In Bangalore

It was the most clear morning in many days... 16th February 2010. For a long time till that day, Delhi was engulfed in a fog that birds found it difficult to navigate leave alone planes. The night before I wondered, if my flight would take off. But this morning was starkly different.




As I splashed the cold water on my face, trying to relieve my eyes of the alocohol oozing out of it, it stung me like a scorpion. My parents were ready.. I checked my bags again.... tickets, i.d. proofs, money, credit cards, documents..... all in place...my sister and my brother-in-law came down. My nephew wanted to bid me goodbye last night, but the noise of the late night party murdered his innocent wishes... I have been that way for a long time.....dead........and killing everything that is even remotely assuring.....



What was I feeling? Was I sad, glad, excited, afraid.. I wanted to be sure of what I wanted to feel... time was passing faster than I wanted it to.. and my silly mind was still undecided on my expression....all baggages dumped in the car.... and it was over... there was no fog.. nothing..

It was like a normal entry to the airport... as I walked into the check in counter, I saw my mother wiping tears off her eyes, I wondered again... Should I also cry..... Am I supposed to......Callous as I am , I waved and moved towards the security cheking....

Just a second before entering the aircraft , I took a longer than normal breath inside...... to take in Whatever I could, memories, people, events, relations, friends, places,... the air of Delhi.....I landed in Bangalore to a wonderful weather, with a board that said, "Deepak Srinivas, welcome to Bangalore"....

An era concludes

When you look at individuals, the intial feeling am saying... you have this intuition with you... this person is nice or this person is bad.........you look at my father... and the first thought that comes to your mind, "genuine"... his smile says it all...

Yesterday was his last day at office... yes, he retired after a long innings as a civil servant working in various capacities. His colleagues at office had organised a small function for him, felicitating him on his contribution to colleagues and the department. Unlike the churlish ones that we have in school, college and in some cases PGs, this one was bereft of theatrics and melodrama. Quite expectedly though given the crowd is physically not in a condition to go "Chiggy-Wiggy". All of us went for the function - my mother, sister, my brother-in-law and me of course. It was a smallish hall with a seating of about 100 people, but it was not filled to capacity.

The event began with a some Mr. Sharma talking at length on my father's contribution to the office, his honesty, his integrity, hardworking, helpful, insightful, and most importantly a very non-controversial personality. For a second I felt that I was attending a PTA meeting except that the child in this case had just turned 60 years. Since, it was not a public speaking competition, the others that followed found solace in using the same set of adjectives in praising him. Quite banal but innocent I thought. At the end of it, my father was asked to make a final comment on the proceedings. My father is not the one to come out with immediate topics of interesting conversations and definitely not the one great at public speaking , but rather somebody who mostly prefers to speak only when forced to do so. He thanked the most important couple of people like seniors and colleagues (we were never mentioned.. imagine the error) and he thanked the rest. There were refreshments post that.

While returning from the function we had this little fight over what we wanted to do after the function. While we hijacked him to the nearest 5-star, he came out of the car mumbling. "What?", I asked. "I wanted to go to temple first.", he said. "You should have told so?", My mother responded. "You just took me here, what was I supposed to do?", My father retorted. "So, lets go there. Its anyways not too late.", my sister said. I told my father while returning home, "Lets keep the channels of communication open... always."

It was only till the time he retired to bed that I saw him relaxed. He was all nervous and excited the whole time. I wanted to reason it out and so did others, but I managed to shift the conversation to some friendly family gossip.

At night I thought of his journey from tamil hinterland to the babu in delhi. To have found his lady love in a place at least a 2,000 kms from his birthplace. To have managed to master an alien language and culture. To have moved from a single room flat in naraina to a two bed-room apartment in Dwarka. These things are material in nature and have probably not changed the person inside him who remains forever restrained. Though I felt I would write alot.. but may be I am so overwhelmed that I am short of words.. I would prefer it that way..

Dev always says, "Stop romanticising everything around you." Thats true, but I think in this one I would beg to differ...

Conversations with a married man

Me: hmmm

MM: What Hmmm?

Me: Interesting...

MM: What?

Me: This state of yours... I am quite jealous actually..

MM: Ohh shut, stop rubbing salt on my wounds..

Me: No.. really... U get good food.. u know breakfast-lunch-dinner types, u hav a date on weekends.. permanent one that too...

MM: You just crossed over to being the dumbest person alive on earth...

Me: Well, where was I earlier?

MM: You were getting dumber, but now I just have to pronounce you as the dumbest..

Me: Thats a revelation.. but why this sudden realization of reality.. I thought you had a love marriage?

MM: Not exactly

Me: Oh.. Come on..

MM: Really.. we just knew that we would be able to tolerate each other....

Me: What are you saying??

MM: Yup.. most marriages happen that way...the "so-called" love marriages

Me: Elaborate

MM: Well, there are two kinds of people who get married...

Me: Ok.. and..

MM: The two ends of the spectrum basically.. the ones who have had lots of relationships and the ones who havent. The one's who have had lots of relationships, over time realise that the novelty part is missing, except the sex part.. and then they get bored of that as well....so, they decide.. look here is a woman/ man I know, she/he is nice company, tolerates my idiosynchrasies, lends me emotional support, acceptable to my parents, presentable before my friends, is fine with my dining habits..so lets go ahead with that..

Me: Isnt it a very emotional decision?? You are just putting it across as if you are buying a television.

MM: Not at all..kuchh emotion-vemotiona nahi hota yaar...all practicality

Me: What about valentine's day?

MM: WHAT??

Me: Nothing... what about the other types?

MM: Well, yeah... the losers basically.. like you..

Me: what do you mean?

MM: Lets be pragmatic about it... Have you ever been in a relationship?

Me: Once in school....

MM: Shut up, lets leave the puppy love out of it... so basically you have zero experience of anything thats got to do with a girl

Me: Excuse me, I have alot of friends who are females and...

MM: yeah yeah yeah.. you know guys like you are just "good" friends"... Tum log saale achhe dost bane reh jaate ho, aur kuchh ukhaad nahi paate....

Me: I think thats quite rude....(laughing myself on the fact).. go on...

MM: I do mean the physical intimacy, but basically you are never in the thick of things.. you know what I mean?

Me: Nopes..

MM: OK... You know like being involved with a person.. knowing her likes and dislikes.....the important dates, her friends, colleagues, relatives, when will she cry, what makes her laugh, what movies she likes....

Me: Stop stop stop.. u kidding me??

MM: Well, no.. but thats the way it is....am talking of relationship here and not merely screwing around...so, guys like you who have never tasted the forbidden fruit are quite excited on the whole prospect of having a 24 hr female company....

Me: yeah, may be. whats wrong with that? So, what if we long for it?

MM: Did I say that there is anything wrong with it? Point is after marriage, all these girls become wives, girlfriends become wives..and fiances become wives...

Me: And??

MM: Well, the whole scene changes for the guy..

Me: Doesnt it for the girl?

MM: It does, but I guess they are more prepared..

Me: Nonsense..

MM: Well, I see it from guy's perspectives. So, lets keep one end of the equation constant.... I feel claustrophobic from this constant scrutiny...

Me: What scrutiny?

MM: Who are you meeting? When will you come home? Did you pay those bills? Did you talk to my mother/ father? Can we have dinner outside? When will we go to our next holiday? Why are your parents here all the time? blah blah blah... basically they areplaying the 20 question game all the time...

Me: Dont you think these are all relevant questions?

MM: Well, they are, but they do strangulate you when they are asked daily from you..

Me: Is there a solution?

MM: Nopes, it is inevitable...

Me: What about the emotional security? Isnt that important in this stress these days?

MM: Thats a good point. It is a definitely a pillar.. but..

Me: But?

MM: you do get attracted to other women?

Me: I think thats fine.. attraction is natural and...

MM: I am talking of involvement..

Me: You are talking about infedility

MM: Its reality

Me: Nonsense.. I think thats prepostorous..

MM: Seriously.. I think its fine if it remains under wraps..

Me: What bullshit?

MM: its subjective..

Me: U out of your mind?... Its wrong for heaven's sake....

MM: Even if the woman is doing it?

Me: Of course. you can look at it, whichever way you want to.. its wrong all the way...

MM: Ha ha ha

Me: Why that laughter?

MM: Am just amused at your naivity.. Deepak, its happening all around you.. you cannot be an ostrich all the time...

Me: Well, I like being one and am happy about it.. Come on man... Whats the bloody difference between you and animals maan... think about your spouse for a second...

MM: yeah yeah.. dnt you think you need to chill out a bit..

Me: of course not.. this is utter nonsense.. you cannot be justifying your stance for everything that you do... I agree that you know under certain circumstances, you do feel attracted out of wedlock, but doesnt mean that it gives everybody that kind of license

MM: Who gives that license?

Me: I think one must make one's own decisions keeping everything in mind..

MM: What everything? You live your life once.. cant you live it to the maximum?

Me: Thats the most ridiculous justification MM, then might was well not get married..

MM: Exactly.. so, thats the point I wanted to make you udnerstand...all this while.. phewww.... no marriage.. no commitment... no confusion and the world's a happy place.....

Me: Ohhh.. yes.. so, it was all planned.. this entire conversation...

MM: Kind of.. I mean I liked your assumptions about me

(Laughter)

Nostalgia in DTC Bus

"Your vehicle is polluting..", said the PUC officer. "What are you saying man, its not even an year old... aisa kaise ho sakta hai??", I asked him. " Get it serviced", he said. For a second I stood their numb and in morbid fear. "HOW WILL I GO TO OFFICE"...... the thoughts kept bouncing in my head till I took a few deep breathes and reminded myself of my days when I used to hang by the footboards of the buses....

I woke up early the next day and headed towards the metro station. In between I changed my mind and took a detour towards the nearest auto stand. I justified my stance to myself by saying, "I will get late if I take the Metro.. "... I did a quick math a realised that paying a few more bucks to the atuo driver, I was gettting a direct and comfortable ride to office. I further underlined my ridiculous justification by thinking, "this is my contribution to the sagging economy...".. Bullshit!!!

While returning I decided that I cannot be this ididot. I was not born in a car for god's sake. I decided to take an Auto to the nearest metro station. I dutched an auto with a colleague. As fate would have it, I had to abandon that auto and was left stranded near Dyal Singh college. With my slinging bag, I suddenly observed the people around me. A couple on the bus stop - the girl was crying and the boy had his arms around her trying to console her... it was cold was well....she started to smile... yeah.. may be he just whispered a joke to her.... a lady in her forties was sitting right beside them and was lost in some thought.... her purse was clapsed in her hands... she had lines on her forehead... the time read 7 pm....the glittering sign board on the bus stop across the road tried desperately to hide the tension in her eyes....there was one dude on the road, who was all wired.....his eyes closed, he was tapping the road with his reebok shoes....a few oldies rubbishing the state of indian politics and how it is going to dogs.....no female whatsoever...what is the state of delhi??...Is it no longer safe for women to travel by bus at night....Dont the lecherous and rowdies have no emotion at all - for gentle nice men like me who long for a romantic story line each time they venture into public transport be it bus, train or plane..... good god...

Finally a bus arrived... I "enquired" from the conductor, "Yeh, CP jaayegi.."... I boarded the bus and was greeted with the familiar seating arrangement....2X2...and of course the black pillars and the parellel bars on the roof....I stood near the conductor and sought a ticket....from a bunch of stapled tickets, he took out the ticket for me... punching out the bus stops, he handed over the ticket to me.......I took a seat and looked around......Did I say I "enquired"?... How could that be? there was hardly any route on delhi buses that I had not travelled.... Probably a few numbers of west delhi, but definitely not south delhi.... Priyas was our favorite hang out place... and I have been on this route numerous times..... I coudnt believe my own memory and my inability to associate myself with this fact...

As the bus chugged along at a gingerly pace, I was reminiscient of my college days... Sitting on the backseat, we used to roam around the roads of delhi with a free bus pass....my jukebox would dole out kishore hits and the others in the bus would join me as well... sometimes a pen salesman would enter and make a brillaint sales pitch, which I would mimic before a crowd and generate an applause and laughter......These theatrics were an ego boost.... or the time when I left my seat in a crowded bus , 'cause I mistook the lady at the front door as my Ex.......or the time when I was ragged for the first time by my college seniors......or the time when the exam next day did not deter me from paying a visit to Abhisek who had an accident........ or when I would marvel at Gupta's humility for travelling alongside us in buses.......or when Upasna would shout at men sitting on ladies' seat.......

As I deboarded that DTC, I thought of the people I had met along the way..... the bus for me is no longer a means of transport, for me its a time machine... and a leveller....."Never forget that you travelled in this bus, it gives you your ability to appreicate the comfort you enjoy today.. whatever little that you have..."

Branding People

Me: So? Whats so great about Pepsi?

Arvind: My friends say that two guys cannot finish one bottle by themselves

Me: Rubbish..

Arvind: Really, lets buy one..

Me: Ok.. Give me one Pepsi bhaiyya

That 250 ml bottle stared at us like a challenge. I looked at Arvind. Arvind gulped, then me , then Arvind, then me ... it went for a couple of minutes.. until we were burping like dragons... people passed wierd stare at us. We realised the bottle was still just half empty. The wavey logo of Pepsi looked like a smiling devil mocking at our incompetence. More than that it was the Rs. 3 that was going to cost our misadventure. Me and Arvind shouted together, " Jai mata kiiiiiii..." In the next few minutes we finished the bottle. Hi-Fives were all around... It was during the ten minute walk back home, we realised our mistake as the burping went overboard and we had tears in our eyes..... That was June 1990... I was 8 and Arvind was 10...

Pepsi went on roping in many famous personalities from Aamir Khan till Dhoni to make a name from themselves. As per the FDI guidelines they should have been listed on the Indian bourses long back, but its the amounting loses that has sent them pleading to the North Block exempting from the regulatory hassles (Stop boring readers with this rubbish and unwarranted information). They spent most of these losses in "marketing" themselves.. branding... whatever...

I think people themselves are brands. Like this intersting conversation with another friend of mine with whom I was having (most of my conversations are interesting, else I dont have it...)..during the converation I said, "You know what, you have so many ideas and you think so much you could be... a super hero.. brain woman..hohahhao"..she responded, "ohh puleasseee, you are just cynical... you know what cynical man... if at all I become a super hero, I will pulverise your cynical thoughts with my brain waves.." the laughter continued for some time.... But I realised that we do infact brand people...

Like one of our college professorsss.. lets not take names... this "self-proclaimed" economics professor who downloaded jazzy PPTs from net and who on the click of the button while making the presentation would have no semblance of reality as to which graph will appear before the class for him to explain...this guy was called "Phantom".. Like Phantom you would never know when, where and how he would appear to make a surprise inspection..... Like the skeleton ring, he would carry the inspection sheet and would fine people..... the most peculiar thing about him were his spectacles. They were thick rimmed and covered his entire face. You could see his eyes popping out of those two sockets.....

Like Mr. Ankur Aggarwal, a renowned batchmate who was the first one to ackowledge love in our Alcatraz called "Symbiosis" was called Peter F Drucker... no not because that he was an equally astute management thinker... but once during an intellectually stimulating and stormy session on Marketing strategy (During which most of us were also strategising... in our dreams..) Mr. Aggarwal woke up from a hibernation spanning some 2 hours and asked a question that stumped even the professor who on hearing the question for a second thought that he was in a chemistry class, "Sirrr.... what is the content of fatty acid in the soap..".... the lecturer replied, "class dismissed"

Or our very own Atanu....Atanu as I have mentioned in my earlier blogs is a 6 foot dark and bulky guy...... People mistake him to be bouncer of a renowned club in Delhi. But he is not. He is a gentle giant. A cetain cynical guy in one of his satirical mood called him "Whale". For a while we despised this certain address to Atanu. But then once we saw... Atanu lying on his stomach, with his legs in the air.. flapping as if he was in water and his two hands resting his body and also typing on the laptop..... yes, he did resemble a "Whale"...

Very close a senior colleague of mine was called "Gabbar".....His mere shout could send tremors on the floor he was shouting in..... horror stories of people quitting on him shouting are still famous....I have been a victim myself on a number of occassions, but I think I turned out to be the "Achilles" heel.......

Or Kisaan.... his distinct style reminded us of a farmer who never had a good crop.... even if the Monsoon was 100% in the country, his particular patch of land would remain bereft of water......he was so distrssed that he had wrinkles on his forehead like the lines on a cursive writing practice book....

I think when we name people, there is of course a certain level of humour involved, but its because all these "named" people represent a certain emotion, an event, style, passion and wht not... people with no names are actually quite boring people... trust me... so if you do not have a name already... its time you got one.......

While walking down one moonlit night in Mumbai near Inorbit Mall, Arvind asked me, "you remember the pepsi incident"... "I sure do", I said...." "Quite exciting for us at that age...." Arvind said..... Arvind asked, "What is exciting for us at this age?"......"Mondegar", I said..... We both smiled at each other......

Just let me know when you leave

Just let me know when you are leaving,
For me to close the door left ajar,
Lat time when you went,
It remained wide open,
We had not even finished talking,
At least thats what I thought,
I could sense your presence even with the door open,
The confluence of air had not adulterated your presence,
The open door stood stationary like an expectation,
More Inquisitive than me,
Quizzically oscillating, sometimes staring at me and then turning its attention outside,
I replied, "Dont ask me about the return...."
We sat together, giving each other company - me and the door,
Asking the same question, again...again...again...,
Just let me know when you are leaving,
For me to close the door left ajar.

Travel diaries I could never write - 1

It was in the winter of 2001, while sipping on piping hot coffee (which tasted more like boiled water with a chocolate flavor that our beloved college canteen wala called "hot coffee") I made a mention that I very clearly remember, "Yaar apna time kharab chal raha hai, nahi to mujhe Mumbai me ab tak kisi film ka hero ban jaana chahiye tha...".. Miss Nidhi Verma, the then college heartthrob giggled (like a horse) while passing through and evesdropping on my conversation.. Gupta smiled and the chorum of Abhisek, Upasna and Rachna passed the motion with absolute majority. Those days, I was quite facinated with Mumbai. I cannot explain. May be because of its larger than life portrayal in movies. The simple lives of people geting compliated. I used to wonder if the city was really magical. Those were also the days when Me and Gupta spent a majority of our time listening to Lucky Ali. The guy with a guitar in his hand and a small bag pack. He would visit unknown villages, hug unknown children, jump into poolsides with urchins, have food with earthen looking ladies and most of all sip the morning tea with dishevelled earth diggers. That was a life I aspired for. I loved the whole concept of being all alone with only strangers as company. The heart birmming with warmth of faceless people.

So, Mr. Srinivas had this wierd collage of dreams of going to Mumbai and more importantly roaming around with no travelogue. It was the ideal of mix of dreams with fearlessness. Alot of people claim that Life doesnt give what you really want. I beg to differ. I think sub-consciously, whatever you wish for, you get it. When in school, I really wanted to be in the college that I went to. In college, I wanted to move out and see the world as it was and I got that on platter. Its what you make out of it is the question. These are the times when you really move away from it, you will wonder, "ohh My god that is exactly what I wished for." But being closer to it makes you see the nuances of it and the dirtier things become more prominant making the entire dream a nightmare.

I moved out of my house on 12th June 2003. On my way to Nashik, I had mixed feelings of nervousness and excitement. My entire first year of Post graduation I was out of the college for projects. I went around many places. One particular assignment was in the interiors of Tamilnadu selling confectionaries. It was quite exhilarating. The hinterlands were wonderful and especially "barota-korma" on roadside Dhabas was mouthwatering. It was tiring, but nevertheless I was living my dream. I was in those smallish private buses that play loud music or masala tamil movies with the fragrance of jasmine almost killing you inside it. The jump out of the bus on the bus stop with a thud and thinking of people imagining you as the savior from the "gabbar " of the village ws a feeling I thoroughly enjoyed. Of coruse by the time I returned to the college, people had long forgotten me and I was being forced to seek company of people with confused identities and inflated egos.

But there was nothing to stop me. I was again out of college on the pretext of co-ordinating for admissions. That was again quite exciting. I was the last man on the list to go to Delhi. I was excited as it had been nearly 6 months since I had been home. The question papers for the admissions arrived 5 minutes before departure of trains going to all parts of India spread over numerous platforms on the Pune railway station. The question papers covered in jute bags had to portered across running traffic to the exact platforms in their allotted numbers to each team. By the time we delivered the entire bunch of question papers to each team, we realised that the Delhi team was left with fewer of them and that people would have to stay back. It was quite heartbreaking as I was stopped right at the entrance of the compartment and literally pushed out of the train. I stood there on the platform. As the oversmartness and cunningness of my batchmates dawned once again, I was left alone on that platform that day. The train moved out of the platform in slow motion. As each compartment desperately tried to make its way out of the platform, the tears from my eyes made a similar attempt. But I managed to control it. I eventually did go the next day, but entire drama surrounding it was an amazing experience.

After I returned from Delhi, I was again involved in placement process. The entire first year of post graduation I was out on some pretext or the other. I was known as "visiting student" of the college. My summer placement happened to be in Mumbai. Mumbai, my city of dreams. When the first time I saw Victoria terminus, my eyes gleemed with joy. I suddenly found myself super imposed on Bollywood cutouts. But Mumbai was unforgiving. The commuting, the sultry weather, the rains, untimely work, freaky bosses, depressing hostel at IIT and lack of company made Mumbai a harrowing experience. I felt like running away from my dream. As I said earlier, you get what you want, but you have to be ready to accept the entire package.

In the second year, I was a wasted force because of the change of guard at my PG. We hardly studied and most of the time I spent in computer lab "orkutting", studying for placements in library or having vada pavs with chai at thelas outside the campus. But I did manage to steal two trips to Bangalore. Both of them for the placement drive, but the second one was for Arvind my cousin. I reached Bangalore to find him in a state of mental corrosion. Bereft of enthusiasm, he was unable to connect with me as we used to in olden days. It was only on the day of my departure that I shouted at him that he was woken up from his emotional slumber and decided to take stock of his life. That one trip was monumental in getting my brother back to life. After that I made two trips back to Delhi and eventually to Mumbai - my second home.

The weather changed

It was the morning I guess when I woke up... I lie curled up in my bedsheet.. I cover myself from top to bottom when I sleep..... Its quite silly...the reason..... As far as I recall, the reason is a certain movie called , "The nightmare on the elm street".. Me and my cousin watched this gory blooddy horror movie way back in 1989... We were terrified more than anything else and it remained entrenched in my memory and the bedsheet till today is like Harry Potter's invisible cloak that protects me from evil that lurks in the night.. he he he

I was feeling cold and happy... dont know why..... by the time I finshed my morning chores, I was getting late... again...... it was that moment when I stepped outside my house..... It was definitely not the short-haired-perfect-figured-office-going-swift driving married woman that made me smile... It was the sun..... yes... definitely it was the sun...

It was different today..... not the one that will make you sweat... not the one that rains arrows of sharp sunlight that pierce through your skin... it was the comforting light that shades you..... there was a definite nip in the air..... I told Atanu as I was banged by a bike behind...., "the morning is different.. the weather is going to change...."

Its evening but definitely not late enough to get dark and so my hypothesis that there was change proved correct.... winters have announced their arrival by this early darkened sky....

May be I have changed as well.... While one goes through these emotional upheavels where one is unsure of what will eventually transpire at the end of the tunnel, you are always sure that this will end... someday.....I feel that the transformation or the change in many ways is complete..... I have in some ways figured out on the whats and hows of people around me..... It will keep changing, but I feel some premise still needs to be laid out for interaction...... how my observations will change for them remains to be seen......

But the weather has definitely changed...

Not done Mr. Srinivas

I do not hve a great fan following as far as my blog goes (and otherwise as well in fact with my new found snobbish attitude, I am only losing them like the hair on my head). But then Mr. Mishra was quite caustic with his comments on my last blog on me being "on sale". "You are getting obsessed with your depression and Madam X"... I am always open to criticism and loved the fact that I was being pointed out a grave error in my lone creative pursuit.

He was right. Over the last few months, my depression was overshadowing my writing. I am found wanting of words and the ones that are penned are nothing but re-incarnation of "morose" malencholy. Not required when life otherwise is quite depressive. I realised a few things in the process. Even though you might have the greatest talent in the world, but talent with no audience is of practically no use. A creative pursuit must be backed by an equally appreciative following. The only way talent can flower is with practice and with appreciation. You cannot be forever be immersed in your life and "dress up" your creation with your true emotions. Fans appreciate your talent in your ability to retain them by connecting with them and not by spinning out a gyrating storyline and send them on the "discovery of India". Like Vasco-de-Gama, they might just end up discovering the West Indies.

I also realised that over time my keenness to observe people was getting overshadowed by the hangover of my experiences with them. My vision was getting clouded and I started suspecting my own subjects. I found myself more interesting as I was more truthful with myself. But the truth in itself is of no use if not presented appropriately. As friends were falling off like nine pins owing to our (me and my close friends') inability to match our co-ordinates of our dynamic lives drew me closer to Madam X, who in her avatar is quite unequivocal. I wanted no one around me and she was that "no one". I have lost faith in people and it will take sometime for it to return.

One thing I will promise henceforth is that I will ensure that the quality is not held ransom to my state of mind. I will try to innovate and make the reading refreshing. My apologies for the detereorating standard. Will try to match the expectation of the few readers that I have....

Thank you Mishraji

Still depressed and not even fighting to get over it

These days I am getting snubbed all around. Clients, boss, parents, friends..everyone.... its not even a domino effect. More like a pattern now.. may be I am terribly bored as each conversation now sounds rehearsed....

So, I managed to crash my outlook inbox and with it went 3 years of my mails... like a memory sloshed.... they are recovered but retreiving them will not be an easy task.... May be its the cosmos... many people say that your mind is antennae, whatever you signal to the world, it comes back to you.... it could be that effect... I am only guessing and my guesses are seldom correct......

Talked to Madam X... Like always...no suggestions....just filling up the conversation wherever required... we exchanged a few timelines.. like which years were great and which were not...like the fat-sweaty boys in her cab who edge her out to get the window seats.....and the usual general stuff.... She quite likes the limited publicity she gets from my blog...... Hyperactive-sportswomen-music psycho-shahrukh fan ms. ratnam called up from b'lore enquiring my well being after the disastorous blog.......we exchanged notes on "Art of Living"...... her over reaction to not being allowed to consume caffeine was quite expectd given that she is a "teaholic"...... but these stray conversations have been more like passing clouds than a shower......

Somehow, I managed to pull out some mails which were dating back to the jurassic period, i mean 4 years back types..... 4 years since I started my job, 5 years since i joined my MBA, 9 years since I was out of school....you keep going back and you keep realising the loss of innocence at every point in time....

I know I know that this is all very depressing and morose...I hate being one sorry guy, full of regret....I read alot these days...mostly short stories... I quite like them.... I think most people do... they are like a small incident in a otherwise mundane life... Doesnt have a definite start and just ends abruptly.......

I am giving myself lots of suggestions to get over this manic depressive mode that I have unfortunately switched on to.... I need a small spark to sort of ward it off... I would not have to wait perinnially for that.... I got to hang on till that happens..... This one will be short before I start blabbering more..

Growing up and what comes with it

So, am imploding these days...does it matter..no it doesnt ..'cause few people know about it (pardon for the punctuations)..... but people can notice that I carry this long face with myself.... I dont talk too much..barring a few clients who hear the same bullshit from me which they hear from more smart people than me...

Well, it started the other day when one friend of mine accused me of getting cynical off late...ashwin feels that I am always looking for jugaad for getting my way out...... parents feel that I am an arrogant bastard who thinks that family is a burden and the home is a hostel....Jayant-dev-atanu-shagun combo feel that I think too much of myself that I ignore their missed calls when they so want to discuss lewd jokes.....

Very sorry to admit, but all these are correct....yes..shocking..well... not quite......



From the time I graduated from college...CBS i.e.....I used to write about Life being this and that....without having nill experience experience of what the world was all about..... with my feet flying high, I just had one way to go.....down



I met many people who turned me over to the other side of life which was quite different from the premise I was holding on to... I think it was the start of MBA when it all started... Suddenly found myself surrounded by people who were pouncing on every little opportunity of pulling you down..."thats life".....Well quite a shock for me.....

We were quite a close knit group when I left college and the distance made it difficult to participate in day to day issues where friend's opinion mattered...While I tried to hold on to these friends, they preferred to graze on greener pastures...... I met Madam X, who thought that one must always give room to individual space...I disagreed.....and realised quite late as to how true it was..... These friends of mine met people who went about their own business minding little about those around them...live the moment and people around you...no strings attached...you wanna cry, then find somebody else...call me only if you want to have fun......so, they changed accordingly...... I was a little slow in these matters.....

I constantly struggled to define my boundaries with people as too much proximity was leading to disasters...professionally i realised that basically people are corrupt and you just have to find the right price for them...price??? I thought to myself.....even though I tried hard to distance myself from the malice...it just kept growing over me.....business or no business...it was all about finding the right price....monetary or emotional......each time you met somebody you were judging the person, trying to know the one point that will crack the person.....

I also then overtime became extremely adept at lying...it came very naturally....and i realised that people were happier if you lied to them.....clients, friends, associates, relatives, parents.....everywhere it worked like a well oiled machinery..... despite getting sick of this, it was my easy way out of difficult situations.........

It soon became a habit, everywhere I went the moment I met new people, I would start to analyze their behavior...quite needlessly...judging them....needlessly.....trying to find a fault in them...May be to make myself feel better about the whole thing......

Part of the problem also lies with the fact that I am far too nice and adjusting......While people would shout at me, I would listen to them, calm them down, in some cases even apologise to ensure the relationship hung on.....I, may be wrong, have come to realise that I was wrong....about the whole fact of having people to talk to , to listen to you....well there is no point when the responsibility to save it rests with only one person... I felt betrayed on many occassions...so many of them that I do not feel wont of those people any more.....

I have this really bad habit of "self-persecution".......if I feel that from what I expect is a very basic expectation and that remains unfulfilled, I ensure the destruction of whatever little I have.... its quite cynical I know, but I cannot hang on to something which constantly reminds of the fact that it remained unfulfilled....... It not about all or none... I do not know how to define it...

Its quite unlike me or like me or the other blogs were unlike me.....Really its difficult to know which one was me.....

Yesterday, me and my sister drove down to "165 c, timarpur"...... Trying to locate ourself on the little ground that was in front of the house, or the battered letterbox which my sister would check at 4:30 every single day, or the little pavement at the end of alley to our house where I would sit in confused emotions of anger and fear of running away from home, or the little garden where we grew ladyfingers, or the edge of the elevated ground from where I have fell on numerous occassions and bruised myself many times, or the....(the thoughts break with a voice)

A little girl: Are you looking for somebody?
Me: Just trying to find out if I am still alive here...some where......

Religion, God and Faith : Madam X unplugged

So, Madam X sent me a link to an animation which drew parallel to Sita's ostracization by Ram to a lady being dumped by her boyfriend. I was quite apalled at the whole thing. Madam X told me that I might not appreciate a feminist point of view to the whole Sita episode. I said, the perspective could be subjective , but must be presented in a mature fashion so as to be able to communicate the exact view point. I sent Madam X a detailed reply :

"...... Wht do you get when you superimpose a picture over another one.... either its too beautiful or its total confusion...

I think the animation is totally confused... it just uses alot of , "possibly or may be or this or that... too many assumptions in a story that is already filled with assumptions....


It was not funny, not empirical, nor analytical, not critical.... I do not know what it was...


May be you want to call it "a point of view" or an "interesting observation.."...... Its just quite a churlish act of creativity...thats about it...wouldnt give it too much importance...


Though am not religious myself nor proclaim to be a "Samaj Ka thekedaar", but I do feel that traditions, stories, myths which have ramifications over faith of people must not be ridiculed or desecrated in any manner..... It alright to have a different view to "art", 'cause thats the way its supposed to be you know.... "Art" is how you want to interpret it... But you cannot be giving too much importance to an item which is based on assumptions and deriving comforting justifications from related civilizations....


Its nothing to do with Hinduism or anything that I was hurt when I saw that video, but I think I would be equally hurt if somebody pokes fun at Islam or Christianity or the Sikhs.. I mean there is no harm in a little humour..... but not going overboard by presenting a serious view to subjects underlined with religion......"

Madam X responds:

"...............Thanks for taking the time out to read & present your views.

As I understand, you would disregard ‘alternatives’ to established scared elements unless scientifically analyzed & ‘proven’ through evidence. That’s fairly logical. Intellectual dishonesty by any standards is not acceptable. Using intelligence to seek the truth & allowing the evidence to lead to a particular conclusion instead of deciding what the truth is and then rationalizing preconceived ideologies is the right way to approach it.

With that sort of an approach, I am sure you go beyond established sacred elements to see why they were established in the first place. Because accepting an established standard may be comforting but attempting to know more about the past may be more satisfying from the above perspective. And people like us who have a ‘curious’ nature may have an advantage to be more satisfied! Don’t you agree?

I’m sure, you’d argue that you and I have no business debating religion/culture/tradition because we simply don’t know enough about the topic! After all, between you & me, what we do know about Valmiki’s version of Ramayana is primarily what we saw Ramamand Sagar create for the Television and Amar Chitra Katha comic books. You may also argue that ideas generated by ‘non-academic’/’under-educated’ people like us are oversimplifications or merely superficial! I couldn’t agree more.

When I sent this link to you last night, I reiterated that it’s someone’s hypothesis, i.e. a proposed explanation not proven explanation. My idea of sending you the link was to suggest that there may be many other views to the same historical story. Not to say that Mr. Aiyar’s version is even remotely correct. But simply that ‘principally’ there may be many alternative explanations for most things. Just that. Perhaps I should have picked a better example!

As expressed yesterday, no offense or malice meant. It’s an attempt by a curious, untrained mind (read mine) having genuine and reasonable doubt and a desire to know more about our ancients. So don’t be hurt. Hinduism is too ancient a tradition to be visibly changed or wiped out at least in our lifetime! About poking fun at religion. Yes, anything that is blasphemous, volatile or provocative and might offend the religious faith of others must be debated before it is released. Not because it’s ‘wrong’ to do so but simply because it ‘hurts’ people.

Lastly, to quote MK Gandhi, I do not want my house to be walled in on all sides and my windows to be stuffed. I want the cultures of all the lands to be blown about my house as freely as possible. But I refuse to be blown off my feet by any. To make this quote relevant in this context, let’s keep our minds & hearts open as far as possible! .........."

Uncouth, unearthening the ground smell

It was in November 2008, when "kisaan" announced that he was getting married. "Kisaan" is Sandeep Gupta. Sandeep was my room mate in mumbai. For our common interest in melancholy we became thick friends. Even after I shifted to Delhi, we would say to each other, "Yaar tum aa jaao, kaafi baatein hain...adhuri hain...kahin adhuri na reh jaaeen..."..Being typical Kanpuri, I learnt alot of ways of the world from him. Despite being rubbished by most of our room mates in Mumbai, he still turned out to be the more responsible and sensible amongst all of us. I named him "Kisaan" in Symbi for his uncanny resemblance to a farmer in an old "DD" ad on contraceptives and difference between two children. The name spread like fire and soon the whole campus knew him as "Kisaan" and not as Sandeep Gupta. His marriage was in Kanpur.

We took a train to Kanpur. The guest list was quite limited - Me, Dev, Atanu and Srinath. We are all erstwhile roommates of "Kisaan" from Mumbai. We reached in the afternoon and as usual I began cursing the state of Urban infrastructure in Kanpur till Dev shut me up, "Boss, this is India, keep your economics to yourself..enjoy the earthen India in its flavor..."..As we cramped ourselves in a speeding Bolero that took us from station to our hotels. All of us are in love with our slumber and the compromise in the early morning was a cardinal error which we were desperate to correct. Wait a second.....for a sound sleep, we needed a catalyst..We searched for the nearest pub. After gulping down a couple of beers, we were ready to crash.

By the time we woke up, Sandeep's childhood friend had arrived with Sandeep's marriage promise - A bottle of whisky. In our group, I am "British". Sitcking always to processes and procedures. I said, "Ohh Shit, how can we drink in the middle of a marriage". Dev's instant response was, "Dekho, yeh UP hai, bina saraab kaise majaa aayegi..piyo jaani piyo..."

When we arrived at the spot of the barat, we were all high and ready for the dulaah. Kisaan knew we were drunk, so the moment he saw us, "Deepak babu, baraat aage jaane dena...". I said, "Dulhe raja, kuchh hamen bhi maje lene do jaani.....baraat to ab aage nahi jaayegi.."....I still remember the horror on his face. He knew that I am uncontrollable after liquor as far as dancing in concerned. When he got on the horse, the band was bland...... playing as though it was a mere formality.... a job bestowed upon them by life to earn their livelihood...... waiting to excite them. For a while I waited, and then I jumped in.

Jumping, snake dance, bhangra, break dance.....suddenly the band came alive to the occassion..Dev joined me...so did Atanu.........the party came alive....While I was still in trance and Dev was throwing away "tenners" like he was a farmer on a field sowing seeds, I saw that Dulhe's chacha, mama, taya, bhabhi, bhaiyya were silently clapping away to glory.........Overpowered by the music and the dhamaal, both me and Dev dragged the ladkawala's before the poor ghodi.......By the time they started to enjoy the music....we pulled out.....we were like a car without fuel...panting like dogs we realised age had finally caught up with us.....

With a few hi-fives and cold drink, we felt much better. The dinner was awesome. When I got back to senses, I was like, "off..Deepak, how could you do that??" But the rest of the junta sure enjoyed it and had fun.........

I am always a little reluctant and hesitant about enjoying myself to the hilt and letting my hair down(Dont have much left to let them down anyhow..). It has got nothing to do with liquor though. I normally underplay myself, whether its party or life...but there are occassions when I just let the flow blow me away....that when I really am Deepak......

A perfect life...yeah whatever...

The Other day, while sipping on a cold coffee at Barista in Mumbai, I was meeting an old friend. Quite a character as she managed to attract the maximum attention in her hey days and even today does not seem to be bothered as far as attention is concerned. Currently doing some research work at an MNC she makes frequent trips abroad. Posing before foreign monuments with firangs walking in the background makes you wonder what is the camera supposed to capture most. I presume these are all arbid statements that even if put together give an impression of a meaningless collage than a defined modern art, but then writing in itself does not necessarily has to follow a set pattern (Deepak....where is this blog heading, get back on track..yes yes I will now)

Getting back, she seemed disgruntled with her current job (nothing new, Even Lord Krishna was bored of his job of hunting down papis on earth and found ways to amuse himself..... my apologies to the almighty if he didnt like my sarcasm) and was in pursuit of something creative. Like acting. "Acting is not everybody's cup of tea. Sure you are beautiful, smart etc etc, but then there is more to acting than merely looking like a doll." She made faces and said, "You are just jealous" I was mum or may be I would have grinned with sarcasm as I usually do when people comment on me being jealous.

I went back in time to find out an instance when I really found somebody's life close to perfect.

It was one of those late nights at Mumbai during the rainy days of October 2006. I was waiting outside the HSBC office at fountain under an umbrella. Marvelling at the beautiful building I managed to catch a glimpse of the big shot of HSBC - Ms Naina Lal Kidwai. I smiled and bowed my head in acknowledgement of her presence. Reluctantly she smiled back, trying to find her driver to her Honda Accord. As she passed I said to myself, "kya baat hai".

Those were the few days that Mr. Shagun ((k)night rider in Delhi) spent with HSBC. Dev was also working in the same office. Shagun used to give us a lift back home. As we boarded his car, he lighted a smoke. As we shared the somoke on the rainy day, I asked, "what are you waiting for? Lets leave." "No, yaar I am waiting for one of my seniors to join us back home". Here onwards I very distinctly remember the entire conversation. It went like this -

Amit( Senior of HSBC) - Hi Guys. Hope I didnt keep you waiting.

(Even at the end of the day, Amit was impeccably dressed, with gelled hair and was smelling musk. And of course who can forget this "Big Swinging Dick" not carrying a laptop)

Shagun: Sir, how did u get so late?
Amit: Actually Naina ma'am ke saath meeting thi. Some strategic issues you see...
All of us in chorus: Ohhh
Amit was not too old as I had thought he would be. Probably a couple of years elder to us....

Journey begins and Amit open his laptop, attaches the Net USB. Three years back net USB was a luxury. Shagun is ever curious with anything that happens around him. His curiousity could range from how to drive his sales force better to the best SPAs and massage parlours in Delhi. Even while gyrating through the busy and unruly traffic in Mumbai, he managed to catch a glimpse of what Amit was doing in his backseat.

Shagun: Sir, What are you doing..

Amit, With one of his eyebrows raised, pursed lips, carrying the look of a National Security Guard having zeroed in on his next target, was mentally pre-occupied with his Microsoft Outlook.

Amit: Did you say something Shagun? ( I was like grr.....)
Shagun: Sir, What are you doing..?

Amit(still in thoughts): aaaactually, I am expecting this very important mail.... (I thought to myself, "Of course we dont expect you to surf porn while going back home") ....(Says to himself)...there you go...

Shagun: Sir, so you are coming to that sales meet on Monday??

Amit: No...I am a little tied up

Shagun(Shocked, petrified...): Why???

Amit: Well, I am going to China this Sunday for a roadshow..will take about 15 days..

All of us in chorus: Ohhhh..

I tried to change the topic...

Me: So, Amit where do you live?

Amit: In Vashi

Me: (Smart Ass, finally something to pull him down) Must be quite a distance, Locals are really crowded you know.....

Amit(Cut me in between): Actually, My Swift has gone for servicing and Locals are a little claustrophobic...so...

All of us: Ohhh...

Dev: So, How big is your apartment?

Amit: Its five BHK..

All in chorus: WHAAAAAATTTTTT?

Amit: Yeah, its the latest apartment that has come. Its got a gym, a swimming pool, a small garden and the apartment overseas a small hill and we are able to see the sunset...if we reach in time that is...(and he let out a very very huge laughter that was oozing with sarcasm..)

Me: The rent must be very high..

Amit: Rent?? No No, We own the apartment

All of us in chorus: Howwwww??

Amit: Well the flat was damn cheap at about Rs. 60 lakhs. I had about Rs. 20 lakhs as my last year bonus from ICICI, my father pitched in with another Rs. 20 lakhs and we got a loan of about Rs. 20 lakhs....

I said to myself, "So, thats a real easy math...hmphhhhh"

Me: The EMI must be very hard on you and your wife..

Amit: No No, We got the loan at a very subsidized rate from ICICI and .....(gives a wierd pause..) My wife doesnt work..she works part time for an NGO...

All of us: Ohhhhhh..

Amit: Actually before marriage I told her- you dont need to work after marriage. work-life balance gets really upset...you may work if you want...no compulsions....and...rest is upto you

Me: Arranged marriage????

Amit(Takes off his spectacles, wipes it with his handkerchief...smiles): Love marriage, we met at MBA...dated for a couple of years.....then looked like it was getting somewhere.....then one day I popped the question...and we are happily married for the last two years...

All of us: Ohhhh..

Amit: Shagun, drop me there..I will catch a cab from here.......

Amit: Yeah...thanks guys..it was lovely talking to you guys...all the best....shagun see you in 15 days......

As he walked off with that laptop hanging from his shoulder, All of us shouted in chorus: I need a smoke......

Shagun never met him again as Shagun left the job in next week and is doing very well for himself these days in Delhi.....But given his exploits in Post grad and Grad is still very much single and longs for company every weekend night...

Dev got married in January 2007 and is still happily married with a small baby....not excited with his current job though....

As for me ....Well in 1998 my life was just perfect, since then its always been that elusive "99"....never quite there where I am content and happy......

Amit's life did seem quite perfect and unbelievable didn't it.....Life is like this roller coaster...moving up and down.....When down, you are waiting for that momentum to take you back up there and when its up there, you are living in this eternal fear of if the next roll of wheels will take you downhilll.....At least it better than staying stationary.......Is anybody listening out there??

I need my summer holidays back

When my office was in Gurgaon, just behind our office there was a smallish ground. At just about 4:30 pm kids used to come out there to play. They used to play football. Nowadays these kids wear branded T-shirts with some arbid number and name of some renowned footballer written at the back. (My knowledge on football is close to pathetic. The other day, somebody said Ronaldo is the best player, I disagreed and said, "Sachin at 36 is still the best.")

While I am merrily typing away this blog, I realised that I truly deserve a summer holiday (for at least two months). I was reminiscient of my summer holidays when I was in school.

Typically the day before the closure of the school, we used to organise a little get -together at school. Everyone used to bring some speciality or the other. It used to be an exciting day. No prizes for guessing why. And the day was punctuated with holiday homeworks being loaded on by teachers ensuring that the misery of the school shall continue. May be the logic was to keep the brain well oiled throughout the holidays, so that little brains dont go dead. Quite an unrealistic assumption. Later I realised that in India, we are constantly trying to guide children into structures and patterns.

The next day was to be a new day & planning would begin on full swing. The kid who would have to be hustled out of his cozy bed and made to stand with droopy eyes with a toothbrush laced with an equally drowsy looking toothpaste, the same kid would be up and running with a bat and ball at sharp 5:30 am. I was one of them. We would play till 9 and return home dirty and tired. After lunching it was time for some holiday home work. Oh, How much I hated it. There was a time in school, when I had to do something called "Cursive handwriting", which would run into pages. Why do they torture the kids with that, rather it could have been given to the Doctors who scribble on a letterhead decorated with alphabets they call "degrees" and then call it a prescription.

One would try to finish these repetitive jobs as soon as possible to have a more peaceful vacation. There was also time for a really long and never ending afternoon nap. By the time, you were awake, Mother was ready with a thirst quenching drink - it could be rasna, nimboo paani or aam panna. In the intermittant time between this late afternoon and evening, you would want to finish off those lingering holiday home works. (Silly teachers I must say).

Evening were set with matches with cricket teams of nearby colonies. They were tense and emotionally draining. (I started the trend of exchanging players for our internal matches and over time we were able to master them......Before Lalit Modi it was me who started the cricket league). When we returned, we could peacefully watch two hours of uniterrupted TV. DD ruled the roost and the audience lapped it up whatever came their way. But whether it was holidays or not, food was served at sharp 8 (Surprisingly we still follow that rule). And post that we would take walk in the night around the colony. Over time the seemingly innocent paths of night walks found their valid reasons of diverting them strategically behind the colony girls.

In between, we would also visit my cousins. Those were fun. Me and Aravind(at our age today) are still considered the most insane pair of cousins to have ever taken birth in the family clan (if at all we can call the world our fiefdom...but then of course nobody respects our fiefdom....lol). Our most infamous incident is when both of us finished an entire crate of panneer soda (Rose water soda) at my cousin's marriage. The soda was meant for the cooks who were getting parched inside a kitchen where food for about 500 people was being prepared with a fireplace in peak June heat and that too in Srirangam....There are other horror stories of how our senseless debates would undermine the most urgent work at hand (I guess, thats why both of us are not fit to be superheroes...god save the universe then...). We would also visit our more affluent cousins in Delhi where my little wants of exotic toys would get fulfilled ...even if those were for just a week, but I guess I never wanted those toys for more than a week anyways....

Every two years, we would also visit Chennai and nearby places as part of my father's LTC. The journey spanned 36 hours and gyrated through the beautiful landscape of mera pyaara bharat. It was an experience in itself. The day we are to leave, Mom would spend the whole day making food for the journey, so that we could spend as little as possible on eatables outside. Dad would call for the Taxi at least 3 hours and we would be at the station at least 2 hours before the departure. At the station we would shop for magazines and eagerly await our train. The whole build up of excitement waiting to board a second class compartment as compared to today's executive class journey in airplanes is still a million miles away. The whole concept of LTC for home town was quite a misnomer as far as we (me and my sister) were considered. For us, Chennai was alien land, where people spoke a foreign language, wore lungis, were perinnially drenched in sweat and smelled of Jasmine flowers. By no means I am demeaning my Tamil land. But we were a confused identity.

By the time the vacations would conclude, the sweet memories of vacations would get bulldozed by the piling holiday home work. Alot of it would consist of making charts and wierd looking science models which were eventually marked and dumped by the school stuff (Only certain privelged ones had theirs pasted on the walls of the class rooms. Well, your truly was a legend as far as chart making was concerned). The last few days were spent relentlessly in shopping for shoes, stationary, uniforms, school bags, pencil boxes and of course the most coveted possession of all - "Milton Water Bottle".

And thats how I spent most of my summer vacations. Today, I am pushing myself out of the bed at 7:30 Am, fighting the traffic for an hour to somehow make it to office by 9 am, from 9 to whenever time the day ends I am earning my bread and fall dead by the time I reach home.

Today morning I met Ishan, "Hey what are you doing downstairs so early?"..Ishan replied, "I have my summer holidays, I can do whatever I want....."...And then my mother cried from behind, "Here is your lunch, you are getting late to office...."....the smile on Ishan's face and the despair written over mine, just about underlined my misery

Prince of Pretonia

The other day Dev called up late at night to announce, "Arey suno, Rannvijay aa gaya hai...."..I jumped out of my chair. The wait had finally ended after nine months. (Dev and Anjali are glued on to this reality show called "Roadies", whose host is a dude called Rannvijay) Despite repeated requests that whichever way your kid turns out, if however, he doesnt turn out to be a dude, the name will look really dud. And I have this fetish for names you know...it brings about a lot of character to the whole person....it does not define it or anything but yeah it does make a difference. Madam "X" gets really pissed with me when I ask her the names of her acquaintances and I say, "Hmm..punjabi? marwari? madrasi?....I am sure he will be like this or that or whatever"..And she with great aplomb rubbishes my assumptions.......

So, I picked up Atanu to pay the new father a visit at Gangaram hospital in Rajinder Nagar. Its a fair distance away. Actually from where I stay, everything is a fair distance. So, I was reminiscient of the time when Ishan was born. It was lovely feeling to hold him for the first time in my arms when he was just a few minutes old. He looked at me, blinked..and closed his eyes again. Now When I look at him making fun of me, its hard to imagine the time gone by. But I do remember my imaginations..So I told Atanu the story of "Prince of Pretonia"

Pretonia is a planet which is exactly 30,000 light years away from the edge of Milkyway. It is in the galaxy Zaphhirexo. Unlike Earth Pretonia doesnt have an ozone. People there do not need oxygen. Pretonia exists before the start of time i.e. before the primeval atom. Pretonia funtions under Monarchs and ruled by the Psymasts. Since time immemorial they have been living happily under them. Exactly 27 earth years before, power for lust started to loom large on Pretonia. King Mazoos' military leader Shinkoo planned a genocide of the Psymasts. Mazoos got to know about the conspiracy and launched an offensive, but he slowly realised that he was going to lose the war. His family was small consisting of queen Fimilee & son Kasumi.

Shinkoo wants the "Jamascus". "Jamascus" is small crystal ball that has unlimited powers and can begin and end life at will. The holder of "Jamascus" rules the Universe. Psymasts have forever possessed it & used it with discretion. In fact our earth and the milkyway are a few of its creations. (thats why there are still undiscovered life forms beyond earth. Apart from earth, the only other planet to have people like us is on planet Minjus)Over generations, each king has come to possess the "Jamascus" and had rarely used it.

With threat looming large over King Mazoos, he was more bothered about "jamascus" than anything else. He then had to take the tough decision. He wanted to fight Shinkoo, but wanted to ensure that in case he lost, "Jamascus" must not fall in the wrong hands. He entrusted the job to his little baby son, "Kasumi". In a packed container he sent out baby Kasumi to earth.

Baby Kasumi's space container crashed landed in Delhi, India. He was found by a family of a Government servant living in Timarpur. Its been 27 years and he has been living with this family he calls his own. Little knowing about his past and the powers he possesses. He also does not know that somewhere in the Universe, Shinkoo is searching for him. And when Shinkoo and his men find Kasumi, Earth will witness a battle that will shape the future......of everything.......

Atanu in all his innocnece asked me, "Where is Kasumi?"..........Does anyone want to help him out??

The illusive Madam "X"

I remember having mentioned her in my last blog, I mean her comments on the changed look of the blog. Lots of queries on this mystery woman. (Madam "X", must be giggling right now). I totally understood the fact given that we are constantly searching for a face, an identification....we cannot accept people like Spiderman, Superman, Batman as they are....We want to know who they really are..... Well it matters to them though. Anounimity tends to beget a freedom of expression which may otherwise may not come naturally.

Madam "X" works in Delhi, but not a Delhite. (For typo ease, i will refer her as X) X is sophisticated and classy. But she is not snobbish. She can carry herself very well in both traditional and modern attire. (But I guess the traditional Indian wears look real good on her. The best ones are the bandini ones) She mostly listens to rock music (Zombie is her favorite song), but can associate with soft numbers as well..but mostly english. Hindi songs are..... well....optional....( Like the other day, she said, "Kishore used to sing wel..I mean Kishore Kumar)She has her views on issues, which are point blank and straight. These views are well thought of, but they are not uncouth and unparliamentary. In fact X maintains an absolutely enviable aura around her. She is approachable and friendly. But one must not mistake that for friendship. Its another thing to have her number and another to talk to her. She is a good listener and is an excellent counsellor. She laughs and appreciates jokes with nods. Armed with a radiant face, you might even mistake her for a celebrity fighting for social causes. I often tell her that she has an "Ageless" beauty. While she refutes it politely, I am adamant that there are people who grow old gracefully. Not that she is in her 40s going on to 50s. And unabashedly I classify her in that category.

There are people in my life, there are friends, there are enemies, there are people I would not want to meet, there are people I love and can go to any length and she does not fit into any one of them. (She always says that I love to categorise people as if It was some food chain. The truth is that I am insecure about people) She is a character in herself. In fact there are certain things that I do not understand, and one of them is how and why I should be friends with this Madam "X".

Our first few meetings revolved around my churlish poetry. To one such stupid line, she said, "Ahemm...Deepak thats a good line, but I believe the use of words within words is quite confusing...I am sure its profound, but it would be nice if you can decipher it for me..." After a long time while sipping beer at Cafe Mondegar in Mumbai I realised that she was actually making fun of me. Her poetry were so deep and the use of words was limited...Just five lines with five words in each line...that did not rhyme......I was like what kind of poetry this is that doesnt rhyme....neither is it confusing.....what is so great about writing lucid poetry.....what a stupid poetess...though I could never make out any head or tail of her poetry, but I always appreciated it. ......So it began.....

I am "Confusion personified"....I have many agony aunts and uncles....I try to get a mix of views, collate and finally arrive at a plan of action...sounds managerial and definitely not for normal human beings.....It would also give an impression that I have all the time in the world and aloot of problems at hand. Well these issues range from "people pains" to "social and national issues"....sure I do.........One of my agaony aunt was (or is, whichever way you to put it) X. X used to listen very patiently and answer my stupid queries......I felt she was relating to my problems more than I could myself...I really enjoyed her answers...In fact I had so many issues and problems in life that whenever we used to meet to discuss my problems, we used to call it, "The Madam "X" show"...where she would act like an interviewer, I would be the the interviewee...she would question me and I would answer as if it were a talk show......At the end of it, we would often burst out laughing at our childishness of the whole thing..

Even though, our range of topics expanded it never encroached upon the life of X. Each time I would want to know more, she was political about it. Giving me stray answers without referring to any particular incident and definitely not people, that would leave me all confused. Any specific question would be bulwarked against an invisible chinese wall that I so wanted to break into....I would get frustrated and keep thinking on what is keeping her mind off from sharing her life with me when I was practically naked before her...All my friends take deep interest in each other's lives. Or at least that was the case some time back. We tried to be involved everywhere in their lives. We took it as a matter personal aspertion if any of them hid anything......but thats the way it was......X was always non challant about the whole thing and found this constant scrutiny in lives very claustrophobic.

It never mattered to her, her privacy was of primary importance. Life went on as normal. The desperation to know more about X became sporadic and eventually died down. I was happy that I had a sounding board, whom I can call upon anytime in the day. I might be sounding very selfish, like a parasite. She never gave me the impression that she was not impressed with my company. Because she never said no, whenever I asked her out. We would discuss on numerous matters, people, her parents, her school and college but never her very personal and deep thoughts.

I have made my own attempts to make her as comfortable with me as far as I could. After I returned to Delhi, I tried to meet her up on possibly every weekend. Once, she told me that she had got promoted. The next day I lied at my office & delivered a bouquet of flowers....personally. While her response was lukewarm, which sort of upset me the most...But I was offerred a compensatory lunch...I was realizing..this was going nowhere........I think what really upset me was that we never had any major fight or disagreement. ....fights and disagreements are part of growing up........Both us remained forver political and choosy about the expression of thoughts with each other lest they upset either one of us........

A time came, when I started to hear about the events of her life from others. Even though it was staring at me, I respected her space and never tried to breach it. I never asked or enquired about it. While others talked and gossiped about it around me, I would stare elsewhere refuting what was being offered to me. I was sure that things like these are definitely shared with "close" people. Thats when it hit me. I still batted for her at various public forums justifying her decisions. It was not my responsibility, but I was trying my best.It was getting really mysterious to me.

How can a person do that? What is this fear about telling me personal things when the whole world knows about it? Was I being too curious? People always trusted me, they believed me. Even though I pressed hard, it was futile. But I never asked her any personal questions on her life. She never asked me for any help, even when "I thought" she desperately needed one. Only thing I had to offer was, "I hope you have friends whom you are talking and who want the good of you." X replies, "Dont worry Deepak. I am alright. I am talking to friends." I was dumbfounded. It was a good slap. I thought to myself and said sarcastically to myself, "So, who are you Mr. Perfect in her life?". Since, I am confused all the time, I am forever searching for clarity in decisions, events and people.

Finally I lost hope with her. I thought May be something was wrong with me. There was a hiatus of over an year. In between, I found it hard not to message or ask her whereabouts. The irritating part was that she never even noticed my absence. While narrating this chain of events to one of my friends in Mumbai, I asked him, "What do you think?". Like a typical mumbaikar he replied, "Whats with you dilliwalas. Just enjoy the company and the time. Why think so much? Besides its her life, her set of mistakes, her people. I dont think its really a matter to get upset about the fact that you should know everything about her. I am sure there are umpteen things about you that she doesnt know. Has she ever castigated you for that?Not many people are lucky to have people around them and here you are merrily shunting them away. I think you should call her". In a drunken state, I called her and she was talking to me as if nothing had happened. Here I was in deep contemplation mood on how can a person be there and not be there with you and this lady hardly has any clue. I did manage to vent out my anger at her for her apathy for which I got a muted response. The next day I apologised for my behavior.

I realised over the hiatus that partly the problem was with expectation. I know it sounds cliched, but it was back to the basics. I ruminated over it, sorted out that the problem was with me. It must have been easier for me to have blamed it on her and moved on and left a beautiful person along the way. I guess thats what maturity is all about. Maturity is about accepting that you can never have the entire world at your feet and feel happy over it. I called her one day. While we have always had an open discussion, but when it concerns tricky issues, we always impersonalise it to make it more comfortable. Thats really innocence lost.. I feel sad. She says I am judgemental ...too much...Well so is she....But that day while talking, I confessed my problem with her...and again.....she just said, "Ahemmm.." I realised that though one must be spending time with you, listening to you, being a really good company does not necessarily translate into good friendship.

While re-reading this blog, I have realised that I have made her quite a villain in this whole situation. I do not feel it that way as I think that people are different and react in their own ways based on experience in the past. Its totally natural. What is not natural are people like me who are emotional, impractical, quixotic, unrealistic, unreasonable ...and whatever whatever with people.

I do not know how to end this, but I have to else it will become veeery boring....So, thats the brief introduction of Madam X. She will be a regular now on my blogs because of her urbane and sophisticated views and perspectives....And yes, we are back to gether....(She wants to break free , but I am not letting her go.... poor girl must be cursing the time she met me......must be saying to herself, "Why didnt I lie to him that I dont write poetry")

Two days back I lied to her and picked her up from her office on the pretext that I was going on the way to her home. When she asked me what my work was around her home. I replied, "You are such a priveleged company that I have to cook up stories to be with you.." I winked.....

Change is the only permanent thing...off how clichede

Well, guys how do you like the new look...Am sure all of you are grinning from ear to ear...it sure now looks great......Ms "X" told me that it should look contemporary & appealing. I asked her what she meant. She said, "make it more interactive, some pictures, a few lines here and there....." Normally Ms. X doesnt give suggestions even if you ask her for one. She is one person, whom I have been trying to make friends with for the last six years now, but I have only managed to get "call backs" from her after my repeated "missed calls". (I am not stalking or hounding her...for once give your brain some rest).

Since, the blog is about me (ohh..you self obsessed bastard), I will write something more about me...he he he he he. Off late the last few of my blogs were depressing and morose..well so was I. Not that there are any new problems around me, but you just feel cornered sometimes....People have their own ways of reacting to them. I used to write diaries for a long time. Then realised that the Diary was not acting as a vent, but rather bank. It stored and accepted everything & when I used to flip through those pages of past, it used to return some memories with unasked interest. Then one day I stopped writing it altogether. The diary is still with me though, but I dont flip through it.

Blog is a new way. I am still not entirely candid about me or my events. I carefully chose the ones I can & want to share. I dont think it has anything to do with the fact that whether I am a public figure or that many people have access to the blog...its jus what Arvind (the "Super Purple Patch" guy) told me sometime back. He said, "Deepak, There are parts of my life which remain unearthed within me. There are multiple variations & interpretations to those events and people. As of now I am comfortable with my perspectives on them, but I dont want anybody else' interpretations on them. I fear that what I write about them may not be congruent with what I perceive about them today." But I was never too candid with my Diary as well. But as they say, "making the changes in the soft copy is good for the environment."

The change keeps happening around you. Either you are the catalyst of it or somebody else is, it really doesnt matter...

Ms. X just called me for some help....I can already see some clouds in the sky....So, change is inevitable I guess.....

Bouncing people

When Atanu told me that he might be shifting to Kolkata after marriage, for a second something struck me..... I thought, "Atanu is leaving, Dev has given a few interviews in Mumbai & might also get relocated, Shagun's a drifter, Upasna is not here, Rachna is also too busy with her life, Gupta is a gonner, Shankar is too self obsessed, Arihant is now in Bangalore......"

It was staring at me. My next bounce from people. You keep bouncing from one person to another or from many to many others. There are few constants and many variables. It happens all the time. It happened in college, then in Post Grad, in Job & now life in general.

You build your relationships, grow old with them, learn together, but somehow the people around you never stay forever. I guess there are a few exceptions here and there, but I dont think that its possible to stay immobile in life and progress. You got to move on. Over time with certain people you become possessive and then when these people move out on their own you just are left with no option but to seek newer and enriching relations.

My parents spent a bulk of their lives in delhi and since my father worked in Delhi Government his friend circle remained fairly permanent. But in my case, since my PG, there have been a multitude of people that I have met at various cities and grown old with. Delhi, Nashik, Pune, Mumbai, Bangalore, Chennai and then back to Delhi.

There was this initial fear, when I heard what Atanu said, but then I realised that I have done this far too many times. Each time its been an amazing journey where I have lost myself totally in the character of the people I met only to find myself again......... colored with several shades of the people I met..

Holi and Introspection

Initially I thought that my next blog entry will be on Gupta's dhamakedaar shaadi, but then I found myself engulfed into an eternal boredom. I felt (and am still feeling) stuck. The drive to try and break the pattern is also missing. Each day dawns and night descends as if it was meant to be that way.



So, then when it started to weigh on me, I decided to introspect. Ashwin suggested, "lets go to tughlakabad. Its a historic place and you will find peace there." Seeing my reaction, we dropped the idea. We finally zeroed in on Rajghat at Mahatma Gandhi's Samadhi. I said, " will pick you up at 9 am". Ashwin retorted back, "Why the hell will you pik me up, we will go by Metro. People like you are so pseudo. Crying out for MRTS at public forums & crowd the roads with your bulky veihcles carrying just one passenger." I looked at him with vengeance and cdnt say a word. Not that I couldnt or didn't, but it just sounded so true for me that silence was my best arguement on offer.

In the morning, While rushing through my breakfast, my mother asked me where I was heading. I replied, "I am off for introspection today at rajghat". There was no reaction from her side, which was quite unexpected. I got on the Metro. It was going to be a long ride. I got down at Moti Nagar Metro station. Ashwin came a few mins late and said, "I guess I am on time as per IST. He giggled." I had no giggle to offer. We boarded the Metro.

Ashwin: I am thinking of resigning

Me: I thought you were shifting to Bangalore

Ashwin: I am nt getting a raise man (I raised an eyebrow). But this is logical. LAst year, the people who joined with me are all at salaries which is at a significant discount to those being hired this year. I am asking for a salary correction not a hike.

me: Whichever way you look at it, it is infact a hike right.

Ashwin: Yes, But then I cannot work for long at the salary that I am at today. I like the sector and the work I am doing, I am just asking for a commensurate remuneration. If they dont give it, I will look elsewhere.

Me: But in the same sector

Ashwin: Yes...

I thought to myself, " At least somebody is clear about something in life". We deboarded at Indraprastha station where the train terminates. We took an Auto to Rajghat. As we entered, there was hardly a soul around. We walked a few steps and found ourselves amidst total tranquility. "This place is just beside the ring road & you can hardly hear anything. " Ashwin said. " It could be because of the trees, they are good insulators of sound. We ascended a slope from where we could see the Samadhi. A few firangs here and there. That was the crowd.

We, then descended the slope on the other side and found a loner tree. I thought we will sit there. It was near the dustbin. I thought to myself, "All of us are in big shit anyways, whts the big deal about sitting near a dustbin." There were numerous thoughts that crossed my mind when I was there........" Republic Day & Indepenedence Day.......What a formailty for the great man......and who made this thing anyways..........I am sure they would have eaten into this contract as well....anways.........There is shaanti sthal as well.....where Indira Gandhi died.....God, the country needs her man..........wonder who should I vote for this election........Sonia Gandhi is not going to be the next PM....yes, thats for sure...........There, you go...another couple.....disgusting man.....at least they can leave these places alone man...........We do deserve a ram sena here......ram sena ram sena......That reminds me...........I can see it there.....the family of four....riding on a small and fragile looking LML.......a little boy standing in front......a thin man driving the scooter.........a little girl sandwiched between the man and a woman clad in a printed cotton saari.....its brown with white flowers on it.......its going at 40km/hr...or may be 50..........on the long wide road.........with cars zipping past.........with the afternoon sun beating down on them........they all look happy and content...........That used to be my family........we used to take the ring road to noida........it used to be a long journey....it still is......."

The mind kept getting cluttered with these random thoughts, some positive, some negative, some just did not have any relevance at all...IN nut shell, the supposed introspection was going nowhere.....Ashwin was getting restless & he finally broke the silence.....take me to a place in delhi which not many people know about.......That sounds better, I thought.

We took a bus, yes we took a bus.......Its been a long time since I took a bus.....Felt just like old days.......afterall I have also sacrificed my sweat on the flyovers on ring road........Those days DTC (Delhi Transport Corporation) used to make an All Route pass valid on all buses.......We would roam around aimlessly in Delhi........singing songs & making fun of each other at the backseat........And wind carefully sifting through your hair....yes, I had hair on my head.......lets not touch upon this sentimental subject of my flat top.......

There is a very nice place at Parliament street. Its called "People Tree". Its a different kind of shop. It mostly goes unnoticed. Its an ethnic place..prly only for firangs & for (pseudo) intellectuals) like me. You get books on varied subjects. Subjects like female foeticide, folk tales from punjab, rise of hindutva, is communism at an end...and loads of intersting topics.....I love going there. But the best part are those naturally colored clothes, stuff which resembles tantra but looks a little intellectual...that was really refreshing......

I returned with a very heavy head. The day I compromise on my afternoon nap on a holiday, my head starts spinning. I was not a new person when I returned back. Not that expected to be one. The visit hardly made any difference.

The next day was Holi. It really didnt matter much. I spent the entire day watching India thrash New Zealand and clapped my hands in joy. My four year old nephew roamed for two hours around the colony and came back unscathed. And when he found nobody to empty his pichkari, he happily drenched me. At least somebody was happy at the end of these two days.

Its a phase of life which I would not want anybody to go through. Its not depression but there is no sense of enthusiasm either. Its just one of those state of mind, when you are waiting for an external stimulus to wake you up and break the inertia....Even though you might try to break through the whole thing, efforts do not necessarily fructify, 'cause the sum total of efforts is also negative....Ok ...hope to bring some smile on with the next blog....

Gupta ki Shaadi - 1

This is an extension of the story on Gupta, "Dil, dosti etc.."

Gupta got married this 12 february 2009 or 13 february 2009(I mean, the North Indians get married in the weee hours of the morning, I am left confused as to the exact date of the marriage. Or may be they like to spread the agony in the subsequent years for the two days) whatever..how does it matter..I think he is married....I havnnt called him up after I left the premises, not that he would pick up the phone anyways these days...But there were a few suggestion that we should check if he actually got married, 'cause we left before the lagan...(How silly really, no wonders that the suggestion came from yours truly)

In the winter of 2000, Gupta used to tell me, "Srini bhai, Main shaadi aisi karoonga ki duniya dekhegi.." I used to giggle and wonder what can you do in a marriage after all. How much can you innovate in tambu, pandit, baraat, food and invitation? But he proved me grossly wrong?

As I mentioned in one of my earlier blogs, how me and Gupta have grown apart. Thats besides the point. So, Mr. Gupta prior to the Shaadi-waadi organised a bachelors party. I told him that I will try to make it. I was returning from Jaipur, when I get this frenzy of calls from the friends. "Arey u going?"..."I will go, if you go"....."Arey how will we return"....."Sharaab milegi kya???"..."Bhaiyya, Baniyon ki shaadi me sharaab kaise milegi..??"....."babu, wht bachelors this is? no sharaab only veg springrole..."......"Guys, are we goin or not....If we go then how do we return.."......"Boss , if there is no liquor I am not going.."......"Kya baat kar raha hai? Gupta ki bachelors kaise miss kar sakta hai??"...."arey yaar, itni door jaakar naachne ke liye dope milna to zarruri hai na.."....."Arey function kab chalu hona hai??"....."Around 8 or may be 9"......."Liquor for only 2 hours.....what nonsense????".......and there were endless discussions on the conference call with no apparent solutions and then Gupta entered the conference call......

Gupta: where r u guys??? (Panting...guess he was dancing....."beedi jalaile" was playing in the background)

Caller 1: Bhaai, Srini is returning from Jaipur...uska mushkil hai
Caller 2: Bhai daru hogi?
Gupta: Only on demand..
Caller 2: Meaning
Gupta: Meaning preferably no.....
Caller 3: Kya baat kar raha hai? Abey ladkiyaan to bulaai hai na...??
Gupta: What are you saying? No ladki shadki.....but gathering acchhi hai
Me: Jaise???
Gupta: Mummy, Daddy, Behen, jeeja, bua, phupha, taya, mama, mami, bareilly wale uncle aur unki wife...
Me: Did u invite Baba Raamdev??

Long silence..........

Then a huge burst of laughter....
Gupta: You guys coming or not??
In chorus: We will try...


None of us went eventually.......


But we eagerly awaited his marriage.....

Chicken Do Pyaaza

There were times when we used to pass "Barafkhana" while going back to our home to Timarpur, when my mother would cover my eyes and nose (allowing my mouth free for ventilation, thank you mom for that...). In those days 8 year olds never questioned the acts of their parents unlike today when kids typically have an opinion on everything from toys to sex. For the first couple of trips I didn't protest. But the seeds of protest were already sown , and they were slowly germinating.

So, finally one day I looked outside the window, to have my first glimpse of "Non-Vegetarian" food hanging mercilessly on a tandoor as if sentenced to a death sentence by hanging. I saw those wierd objects hanging. I wondered what they were. I didnt find the smell repulsive. I asked my mother what it was, my mother preferred silence and asked me to look elsewhere.

When we returned home, I was told that it was what they called "Non-vegetarian" food. I was told that brahmins are not supposed to consume it. It was unhealthy (as justified later in science books in 6th standard that the pesticides eventually reach the humans through that food chain gyaan), it was against our ethos. There were tales exchanged at family gatherings at how one of my cousins vommitted when somebody placed an omlette on his bench. And that somehow in many ways re-inforced that it could in fact be toxic or whatever.


Me and sister were always the adventurous trips. We discovered that omlette was an amazing dish. And when once my parents were away, both of us cycled to the nearby shop to buy those two "Humpty Dumpty"s. We rushed back home, and made two delicious omlettes garnished with coriander leaves, onion, ginger and tomatoes. As we finished hogging, we realized that our small two room flat was filled with the smell of the "Humpty Dumpty"s. We then lit two agarbatties and ran around the home trying to ward of the smell like it was some evil spell. When my parents returned they were obviously quite taken aback at the sudden religious feelings with the house filled with the smell of the agarbatties. They soon discovered the crime, when they found the broken shells and we were given a good dressing down. Not to be outdone, the audacity was carried out on a number of occasions by the same miscreants but we had soon perfected the art and were never caught. But I still had never had the chickens and the muttons of the world.


The first time I consumed was an accident when I returned late from a tour and the hotel attendant offered me some food. After enjoying it I asked him what it was, he said, "Mutton sambhar, sarrr". For a second I was speechless. I was not as much a brahmin I guess since neither did I vomit nor did I have a sleepless night. Since then I have ensured to try as many dishes to familarise myself with the cuisines in Non-vegetarian. From sea food to continental I tried to experiment with every dish. Have had enough though and feel that nothing can beat Vegetarian food.

A few days back, Dev said to me, "Lets make chicken do pyaaza". I replied in affirmative. Now, a chicken or a mutton is a dish when presented in a plate is appetizing, but its a different one when you see it alive and literally kicking. Dev said, "Tum rehne do, I will get a fresh chicken....I dont think you will be able to stand it.."....I was taken aback at the impudence with which Dev said it and I decided to go throught the whole thing.

So, we went to the nearby kasai. Dev chose a chicken. What happened after that was quite shocking to me. The chicken started to shreik as if it knew that its end was near. With one swipe of knife over the neck of the chicken, the blood started to ooze out. To avoid the blood show before everyone, the beheaded chicken was put in a closed container. After ten mins, its bereft of life & is a vegetable. The body is releived of its feathers & insides(except the liver, which is supposed to be the most delicious part of the chicken). The whole thing is then chopped off into little pieces to enure easier transportation.

We went to Dev's home. We spent two hours making the dish. With loads of ghee, masala, chopped onions, tomatoes, mirchi, spices & what not. The recipe was just perfect. With a scotch in one hand, the dinner seemed just perfect. But somehow I kept thinking about the poor chicken.

Now in the entire sequence of cutting and chopping, I stood there with total insensitivity. As if It was not the chicken which got slaughtered, but rather my own sensitivity towards many a things around me. I asked Dev, "What kind of people we are & what kind of life this chicken has?"...Dev's resposne was immediate, "Our life is definitely pathetic, but the chicken will go to jannat. Its purpose was to fulfill our hunger & complete our lives and make us happy...we are still groping for our purpose......"

A definite fact is to respect the life of other beings, but then many of us are definitely & consciously denying others the opportunity to survive & prosper. And surprisingly it has nothing to do with survival. Its all about the greed. And there is definitley no glory in getting sacrificed in this way.

Sometimes, I wonder....staring at the "Chicken-do-pyaaza".....What a chicken's life??