Why this Kolaveri di?

Its been some time since Madam left....Since then I have given life numerous turns... some driven by my pursuit out of frustration and most out of my own to redefine myself....goes without saying that it was an ordeal...

It was late July 2011, when fate brought me to chennai...a place I am not greatly fond of......more so with respect to finding my life partner.....I landed in Chennai with a different purpose...I asked for trouble when I involved myself in the assignment.... It was being run by the person who brought me to knees...but such is my magnanimity that I decided to give it all I had.....I bore all the rebukes and rebuttal of the client on my face......so shameless I was that the client became a great personal friend over time.....even though the client believed that we delivered not to their expectations........those 15 days I was thankful to my previous job for having made me thick-skinned enough to take shouting of client...


In the midst of all confusion, my parents fixed my meeting with a girl......As arrogant as I am, I rubbished it as just another enquiry.....after much pursuation, we exchanged numbers....it was refreshing to talk somebody with no baggage....2 sleepless nights were spent talking absolute nonsense.....the girl seemed impressed.....even in the most plush hotel, I had nights where I wondered if my search had actually ended....


Everyday the status of the deal changed colors like a chameleon.....even though I had closed my advisory business in the winter of 2003, I had to re-open it for the benefit of this silly deal that was going to benefit some unknown poor people......but still I pursued....I was not sure of who this girl was and how she looked....even though I enjoyed pouring my heart to her.....sharing my not-so-intimate secrets with her...but some remained hidden though.....the conversation reached a point where meeting became of paramount importance....As one of the heated debated negotiation ended at 10pm on 21st July , I called upon the lady.....response was positive...the first meeting was extremely uncomfortable.....I was not impressed....I decided to give it a pass......


The deal was signed on 22nd at 11pm and I was as emotional as I am...Exulted I took pictures...even though everybody was making faces....I was to leave the next day...back to Bangalore.....Following multiple interactions with loads of devil's advocates (special mention to my local guardians in Bangalore - Ashwin-Preethy), I decided to give my life another chance...


Disheveled with a strong musk perfume, I met her the second time at Pizza hut at Nungambakkam.....on the 23rd of July.....I opened the most despicable chapters of my life that included smoking, drinking and the madam episode....with great patience she listened and responded, "I want to you to quit smoking.....tone down drinking......for the rest of our lives if you remain mine....thats all I expect..".....My response, "how sure are you?"....she said, "99%".....I asked, "whats this 1%?"....she replied, "because you have not decided"....I asked for time and boy did I get it....at that busy signal at nungambakkam, I stood watching her start her scooty....for once I felt that if I let this woman go NOW, it would probably haunt me for the rest of my life.....I pretended to be oblivious of her presence as I searched for my cab in the confusion....In that confusion a baloon hung over my head that said, "its now or never".....


On my way to airport, I thought about all the women who had come and gone.....all having spent considerable time with me....draining me all of what I had......making me re-invent myself every SINGLE TIME..... did they bother? NOPES..... how long did I know this lady? 1 week...and within a week....a week thats all she took to make a life changing decision....with unknown follies and my idiosynchrasies.... what was wrong with this lady? I debated.....but to my dismay I found no opposition..... I was sure that I was missing some point....what was it.....I was already at Guindy by this time....and I still had no answer.....The otherwise mundane looking blackberry looked like hanuman pleading to be dialed.....I dialed her...."Make your 99%, 100%"....and thats how Sindhu happened.....


No fake names now....its open now....the soul mate has been found.....the search has ended....Its a madrasi......a madrasi with a tamilian accent of hindi.....a madrasi who can switch to tam abuses at the drop of a hat....a madrasi who broke my dams of racism.... a madrasi who believed in your's truly's confused ideologies.....a madrasi who remains in awe of my convoluted version of world...a madrasi who when gets upset I sing, "why this Kolaveri?"


We are not perfect and neither do we aspire to be one......we box each other, when required.... and the final declaration is on 26 Feb 2012.....

So, my faithful followers...a new chapter begins....you are invited for the same....

I missed "Myself"

I was wondering why I have never had enemies or people I have hated. My pretentions at times confused me. There was nobody better than me and nobody couldn't be worse than me.


And then the realization dawned about a couple of days back while waiting for the last drop of beer dive into my mouth from the pint bottle held aloft like a trophy.


I have always been obsessed with myself. Whether it is my talent - a largely "underutilized" kitchen knife yet brandished like a sword at small public gatherings or my own experiments with people ending with some sort of heart pain. I have loved this outlook of life where I am the protogonist and I am the audience to the story of my life.


I cannot remain emersed under the ocean of grief like a saint on a penance and neither can I burst in laughter and joy like a cracker on fire. I do, however, violently swing between these two extremes like Tarzan. It irritates people....but who cares....


While reading through my old blog entries, I realised that I was at my expression best when I was most discontent. The pain and sorrow never took me to sea bed and the joy never took me to seventh heaven. That was a state where my thoughts were at their best as I was constantly at a state of "half empty glass".


Having reached both the crest and trough in the last year and half year, I am slowly switching to the mediocrity in life. In nut shell, I missed "Myself". There is no other way to describe it. So, soon there will be a spate of nice perspectives on life as this blog unfolds from hereon.