My every quarterly review begins with the same question. "Deepak Have you managed to find yourself a girlfriend?". My answer has been as consistent, "No.". "Any pipeline". I grin, go into a deep thought, "Hmm..None at all."
Being a single guy today is more difficult to handle than being a single girl. I am pretty sure that there are no single girls available. Approximately 50% of them zero in on their life partners in graduation. Another 20% in Post Graduation. A small 5% do so in school itself. About 10% do the needful in the professional space-colleagues, seniors, ex-colleagues, competitors etc. About 14.5% of them opt for the traditional route of arranged marriage. The remaining either prefer to remain single or have other avenues for finding their life partners. Now this data has not been compiled by any agency. Its my compilation which may or may not be true and is based on the people that I have met.
Alot has already been said in one of my earlier blogs which is on "Nice Guys". But I just thought I must also share the views of those around me and how I seem to get affected by them.
For most of my life I have been single. There has been just one occassion when I can really say that I was in fact seeing somebody, which was in school. But most of my adulthood, I was left grappling with the question of "what it takes to have a girlfriend?"
Alot of the "sensible" souls around me trivialise the whole concept of being in a relationship in their strange manners. "Churlish" is the way they prefer to describe it. Sometimes I do get drawn into it as I think about "urban development", "nation" and "geopolitics". But at the end of the day there does seem to exist a vaccum that I do not seem to define clearly. The important thing here is that if I am not going to chase around girls in this age then when will I? (Of course the fact remains that I am not doing the needful either)
In the last 10 years or so, my interactions with ladies matured to such an extent that I am no longer taken seriously. I somehow manage to either underplay myself or overstate myself which in many ways has proved to be my undoing. Quite clearly I am very unsure of the events that must unfold for the relation to manifest itself into what they call a "relationship". Even though many times I have been given free advise on the subject which is like a "50% discount" coupon, but I always manage to sit on the fence and stare at the coupon trying to figure out the non-existent line of "conditions apply".
It was not so much of a problem till the time your parents start becoming aware of it. In one of the most embarassing incidents on the subject where the culprict happens to be my own father. On being asked by one of my Uncles as to what was the plan of my marriage, my father with a sigh replied,"It is going to be tough for us as Deepak has been unable to find a girlfriend for himself." As my face turned crimson red, my father along with the gathering had a hearty laugh. Of course, my father in many ways was proud of the way I have turned up and not having a girlfriend is not really a character flaw by his parameters of judgement. But these are just the kind of situations one wants to avoid. One of these days, when me and my mother were engrossed in family gossip, my mother casually mentioned, "Deepak I really wish that you find yourself somebody because I have seen your Aunty run pillar to post for getting Arvind married, and I dont think the confusion is really worth it. " However, she comes up with strict riders on the kind of girl she will be fine with for me.
Then there are married & committed friends. Married friends forever fret over the fact that you lose your freedom and the committed ones complain about the fact that either of their parents are not agreeing to the alliance. Of course I have limited or no contribution to make to the conversation. However, under these circumstances I feel fortunate on the fact of being single.
Being an intellectual has its own costs. I am not saying that I am one. But yes, I do try to put on the garb on many occassions and it just fails me miserably in making an impression.
Though I am a great champion against "Racism". I go around the town talking about "looks-are-not-the-only-factor" types. But I must be very candid to accept the fact that I am pretty pesudo in this aspect when it comes to breaking my solitude. Forever immersed in "self-deprecating" statements on my looks.
My statements might sound very desperate. Of course no denying that the situation is not the one to be in. Its more to do with confusion. Thoughts could be channelised in a more constructive manner is what I always try to convince myself, inevitably I find myself struggling with the question.
Marriage is still some time away. But its not about marriage. For me Life is an experience. And somewhere I feel that my idiosynchrasies are denying this. Its like India jumping from Agrarian economy to a services one. India missed the manufacturing revolution (Offf....Why do I always have to bring in economics).
Trouble with me that I am slowly reaching the top of the pyramid, where interaction with single females is getting limited with every passing. There are no prospects as of now. Its like making a business plan with no sales force to implement them.
Long time back in college, one of my friends asked me a question on what do I see myself doing in the next 15 years. My reply - Wake up at 7 , leave for office at 8, return by 7, finish meals by 8, retire to bed by 12 with a book in my hand. On weekends probably in a library or a coffee shop with a book. "family" my friend asked. I was stumped. In many ways I will not be too sad for this self fullfilling prophecy, but then God does manage to leave a man disgruntled at the end of his life.....
