Gupta ki Shaadi - 1

This is an extension of the story on Gupta, "Dil, dosti etc.."

Gupta got married this 12 february 2009 or 13 february 2009(I mean, the North Indians get married in the weee hours of the morning, I am left confused as to the exact date of the marriage. Or may be they like to spread the agony in the subsequent years for the two days) whatever..how does it matter..I think he is married....I havnnt called him up after I left the premises, not that he would pick up the phone anyways these days...But there were a few suggestion that we should check if he actually got married, 'cause we left before the lagan...(How silly really, no wonders that the suggestion came from yours truly)

In the winter of 2000, Gupta used to tell me, "Srini bhai, Main shaadi aisi karoonga ki duniya dekhegi.." I used to giggle and wonder what can you do in a marriage after all. How much can you innovate in tambu, pandit, baraat, food and invitation? But he proved me grossly wrong?

As I mentioned in one of my earlier blogs, how me and Gupta have grown apart. Thats besides the point. So, Mr. Gupta prior to the Shaadi-waadi organised a bachelors party. I told him that I will try to make it. I was returning from Jaipur, when I get this frenzy of calls from the friends. "Arey u going?"..."I will go, if you go"....."Arey how will we return"....."Sharaab milegi kya???"..."Bhaiyya, Baniyon ki shaadi me sharaab kaise milegi..??"....."babu, wht bachelors this is? no sharaab only veg springrole..."......"Guys, are we goin or not....If we go then how do we return.."......"Boss , if there is no liquor I am not going.."......"Kya baat kar raha hai? Gupta ki bachelors kaise miss kar sakta hai??"...."arey yaar, itni door jaakar naachne ke liye dope milna to zarruri hai na.."....."Arey function kab chalu hona hai??"....."Around 8 or may be 9"......."Liquor for only 2 hours.....what nonsense????".......and there were endless discussions on the conference call with no apparent solutions and then Gupta entered the conference call......

Gupta: where r u guys??? (Panting...guess he was dancing....."beedi jalaile" was playing in the background)

Caller 1: Bhaai, Srini is returning from Jaipur...uska mushkil hai
Caller 2: Bhai daru hogi?
Gupta: Only on demand..
Caller 2: Meaning
Gupta: Meaning preferably no.....
Caller 3: Kya baat kar raha hai? Abey ladkiyaan to bulaai hai na...??
Gupta: What are you saying? No ladki shadki.....but gathering acchhi hai
Me: Jaise???
Gupta: Mummy, Daddy, Behen, jeeja, bua, phupha, taya, mama, mami, bareilly wale uncle aur unki wife...
Me: Did u invite Baba Raamdev??

Long silence..........

Then a huge burst of laughter....
Gupta: You guys coming or not??
In chorus: We will try...


None of us went eventually.......


But we eagerly awaited his marriage.....

Chicken Do Pyaaza

There were times when we used to pass "Barafkhana" while going back to our home to Timarpur, when my mother would cover my eyes and nose (allowing my mouth free for ventilation, thank you mom for that...). In those days 8 year olds never questioned the acts of their parents unlike today when kids typically have an opinion on everything from toys to sex. For the first couple of trips I didn't protest. But the seeds of protest were already sown , and they were slowly germinating.

So, finally one day I looked outside the window, to have my first glimpse of "Non-Vegetarian" food hanging mercilessly on a tandoor as if sentenced to a death sentence by hanging. I saw those wierd objects hanging. I wondered what they were. I didnt find the smell repulsive. I asked my mother what it was, my mother preferred silence and asked me to look elsewhere.

When we returned home, I was told that it was what they called "Non-vegetarian" food. I was told that brahmins are not supposed to consume it. It was unhealthy (as justified later in science books in 6th standard that the pesticides eventually reach the humans through that food chain gyaan), it was against our ethos. There were tales exchanged at family gatherings at how one of my cousins vommitted when somebody placed an omlette on his bench. And that somehow in many ways re-inforced that it could in fact be toxic or whatever.


Me and sister were always the adventurous trips. We discovered that omlette was an amazing dish. And when once my parents were away, both of us cycled to the nearby shop to buy those two "Humpty Dumpty"s. We rushed back home, and made two delicious omlettes garnished with coriander leaves, onion, ginger and tomatoes. As we finished hogging, we realized that our small two room flat was filled with the smell of the "Humpty Dumpty"s. We then lit two agarbatties and ran around the home trying to ward of the smell like it was some evil spell. When my parents returned they were obviously quite taken aback at the sudden religious feelings with the house filled with the smell of the agarbatties. They soon discovered the crime, when they found the broken shells and we were given a good dressing down. Not to be outdone, the audacity was carried out on a number of occasions by the same miscreants but we had soon perfected the art and were never caught. But I still had never had the chickens and the muttons of the world.


The first time I consumed was an accident when I returned late from a tour and the hotel attendant offered me some food. After enjoying it I asked him what it was, he said, "Mutton sambhar, sarrr". For a second I was speechless. I was not as much a brahmin I guess since neither did I vomit nor did I have a sleepless night. Since then I have ensured to try as many dishes to familarise myself with the cuisines in Non-vegetarian. From sea food to continental I tried to experiment with every dish. Have had enough though and feel that nothing can beat Vegetarian food.

A few days back, Dev said to me, "Lets make chicken do pyaaza". I replied in affirmative. Now, a chicken or a mutton is a dish when presented in a plate is appetizing, but its a different one when you see it alive and literally kicking. Dev said, "Tum rehne do, I will get a fresh chicken....I dont think you will be able to stand it.."....I was taken aback at the impudence with which Dev said it and I decided to go throught the whole thing.

So, we went to the nearby kasai. Dev chose a chicken. What happened after that was quite shocking to me. The chicken started to shreik as if it knew that its end was near. With one swipe of knife over the neck of the chicken, the blood started to ooze out. To avoid the blood show before everyone, the beheaded chicken was put in a closed container. After ten mins, its bereft of life & is a vegetable. The body is releived of its feathers & insides(except the liver, which is supposed to be the most delicious part of the chicken). The whole thing is then chopped off into little pieces to enure easier transportation.

We went to Dev's home. We spent two hours making the dish. With loads of ghee, masala, chopped onions, tomatoes, mirchi, spices & what not. The recipe was just perfect. With a scotch in one hand, the dinner seemed just perfect. But somehow I kept thinking about the poor chicken.

Now in the entire sequence of cutting and chopping, I stood there with total insensitivity. As if It was not the chicken which got slaughtered, but rather my own sensitivity towards many a things around me. I asked Dev, "What kind of people we are & what kind of life this chicken has?"...Dev's resposne was immediate, "Our life is definitely pathetic, but the chicken will go to jannat. Its purpose was to fulfill our hunger & complete our lives and make us happy...we are still groping for our purpose......"

A definite fact is to respect the life of other beings, but then many of us are definitely & consciously denying others the opportunity to survive & prosper. And surprisingly it has nothing to do with survival. Its all about the greed. And there is definitley no glory in getting sacrificed in this way.

Sometimes, I wonder....staring at the "Chicken-do-pyaaza".....What a chicken's life??

Marraige Marriage everywhere, not one around for me

Now Now, It certainly doesnt mean that I am desperate for one. So many marriages are happening around me that its stifling me out. "2009" looks to be like the year of marriages. As if 2010 will never come (Ohh shit , shut up Deepak....)..


These days when some long lost soul calls up, you can be rest assured that he or she is definitely has this on their minds. They take your address or they will insist you to come to their marriages (Thats another thing that they will be hardly have the time to go through the guest list, so confused between excitement and fear over the inevitability of "marriage")


I thought recession was supposed to put people off marriage, but I guess the depression has its ways of manifesting itself in wierd ways. I find it difficult these days to justify why I am not getting married or am not getting excited on the prospect of getting married or rather why I prefer to remain silent on the issue when probed.

Being in the family of a public servant has its own advantages. I was able to postpone my marriage plans from January 2009 to June 2009. There was not too much negotiation either. But somewhere I feel that my parents, are dormant volcanos, or rather pots pregnant with water, ready to explode at the slightest poke called "marriage".

This happened very recently, when an emotional melodrama by my mother forced me into a reception party of her student. Accidentally we bumped into my school principal. Now as a school principal there are a multitue of questions that could be asked from an alumni. I could think of at least fifteen different ones. But the first question that was popped to me was "When are you getting married?" It was an opportunity that my parents were waiting for, it looked so planned I couldnt believe. The grievance list came out like lightening -

a) He doesnt want to get married right now
b) Earlier he said January and now he has said June 2009, hence we are waiting
c) He doesnt understand that its difficult to find a good girl
d) He just wants to enjoy life

My principal then supported the view & gave multiple references of pandits & jyotish to evaluate why I was not getting married & if a tabeez could do the trick for my mother. In that open, cold ground I started to sweat with embarassment as I watched with horror my parents deriving sadsitic pleasure in embarassing me before my school principal (Thankfully my receeding hairline was sidelined...phewww what a relief under the cirumstance)

I wanted to shout, but didnt. I didnt even protest later & made a polite request of not inviting me to these public functions. Thereafter as I shared my plan for the week of attending this marriage and that marriage,my mother gave me the ultimatum of starting to look for a girl for me from June 2009. My response was muted.

I dont realise this sudden rush for marriages(and kids) now adays. I still find it convenient to discuss food, drink, women, cricket and life in general. And more so with friends around me.

Marriage, unlike, career is not a natural choice. I believe that one must get married when totally ready take responsibility in life and more so feels the need for companionship. Till that time its cheers to life from me!!!

Dil gira darfatan.............

The moment I heard this song, I imagined myself wearing tight fitted jeans, with a long muffler (Rishi Kapoor types), bell-bottoms standing outside Dilli Haat.......With traffic rushing before my eyes........and there she was standing in front of me...


Slowly I walk on the side of the road, then I turn and start walking backwards......still staring.....she is walking towards AIIMS....she could have taken a bus.....


We are still walking.....


and then a bus stops by, my vision blocked.......the bus moves, taking her away....


I cross and run after the bus, step on the footboard of another bus thats following "The Bus"....


I can still see her....yes.....nicely folding the ticket and fitting it on the strap of her watch......


She gets off at South-extension bus stop.....A deluge of people follow her....and then they separate like a stone sifts through a ravaging river........


I start running, with every step closer the scent gets stronger.......and then I put my hand on her shoulder........She turns around........


"Deepak, You are getting late......"


I wake up , totally asleep


Random entry hai bhai.....Non-sense life and a non-sense blog....

Being a single guy

My every quarterly review begins with the same question. "Deepak Have you managed to find yourself a girlfriend?". My answer has been as consistent, "No.". "Any pipeline". I grin, go into a deep thought, "Hmm..None at all."

Being a single guy today is more difficult to handle than being a single girl. I am pretty sure that there are no single girls available. Approximately 50% of them zero in on their life partners in graduation. Another 20% in Post Graduation. A small 5% do so in school itself. About 10% do the needful in the professional space-colleagues, seniors, ex-colleagues, competitors etc. About 14.5% of them opt for the traditional route of arranged marriage. The remaining either prefer to remain single or have other avenues for finding their life partners. Now this data has not been compiled by any agency. Its my compilation which may or may not be true and is based on the people that I have met.

Alot has already been said in one of my earlier blogs which is on "Nice Guys". But I just thought I must also share the views of those around me and how I seem to get affected by them.

For most of my life I have been single. There has been just one occassion when I can really say that I was in fact seeing somebody, which was in school. But most of my adulthood, I was left grappling with the question of "what it takes to have a girlfriend?"

Alot of the "sensible" souls around me trivialise the whole concept of being in a relationship in their strange manners. "Churlish" is the way they prefer to describe it. Sometimes I do get drawn into it as I think about "urban development", "nation" and "geopolitics". But at the end of the day there does seem to exist a vaccum that I do not seem to define clearly. The important thing here is that if I am not going to chase around girls in this age then when will I? (Of course the fact remains that I am not doing the needful either)

In the last 10 years or so, my interactions with ladies matured to such an extent that I am no longer taken seriously. I somehow manage to either underplay myself or overstate myself which in many ways has proved to be my undoing. Quite clearly I am very unsure of the events that must unfold for the relation to manifest itself into what they call a "relationship". Even though many times I have been given free advise on the subject which is like a "50% discount" coupon, but I always manage to sit on the fence and stare at the coupon trying to figure out the non-existent line of "conditions apply".

It was not so much of a problem till the time your parents start becoming aware of it. In one of the most embarassing incidents on the subject where the culprict happens to be my own father. On being asked by one of my Uncles as to what was the plan of my marriage, my father with a sigh replied,"It is going to be tough for us as Deepak has been unable to find a girlfriend for himself." As my face turned crimson red, my father along with the gathering had a hearty laugh. Of course, my father in many ways was proud of the way I have turned up and not having a girlfriend is not really a character flaw by his parameters of judgement. But these are just the kind of situations one wants to avoid. One of these days, when me and my mother were engrossed in family gossip, my mother casually mentioned, "Deepak I really wish that you find yourself somebody because I have seen your Aunty run pillar to post for getting Arvind married, and I dont think the confusion is really worth it. " However, she comes up with strict riders on the kind of girl she will be fine with for me.

Then there are married & committed friends. Married friends forever fret over the fact that you lose your freedom and the committed ones complain about the fact that either of their parents are not agreeing to the alliance. Of course I have limited or no contribution to make to the conversation. However, under these circumstances I feel fortunate on the fact of being single.

Being an intellectual has its own costs. I am not saying that I am one. But yes, I do try to put on the garb on many occassions and it just fails me miserably in making an impression.

Though I am a great champion against "Racism". I go around the town talking about "looks-are-not-the-only-factor" types. But I must be very candid to accept the fact that I am pretty pesudo in this aspect when it comes to breaking my solitude. Forever immersed in "self-deprecating" statements on my looks.

My statements might sound very desperate. Of course no denying that the situation is not the one to be in. Its more to do with confusion. Thoughts could be channelised in a more constructive manner is what I always try to convince myself, inevitably I find myself struggling with the question.

Marriage is still some time away. But its not about marriage. For me Life is an experience. And somewhere I feel that my idiosynchrasies are denying this. Its like India jumping from Agrarian economy to a services one. India missed the manufacturing revolution (Offf....Why do I always have to bring in economics).

Trouble with me that I am slowly reaching the top of the pyramid, where interaction with single females is getting limited with every passing. There are no prospects as of now. Its like making a business plan with no sales force to implement them.

Long time back in college, one of my friends asked me a question on what do I see myself doing in the next 15 years. My reply - Wake up at 7 , leave for office at 8, return by 7, finish meals by 8, retire to bed by 12 with a book in my hand. On weekends probably in a library or a coffee shop with a book. "family" my friend asked. I was stumped. In many ways I will not be too sad for this self fullfilling prophecy, but then God does manage to leave a man disgruntled at the end of his life.....

Super Purple Patch

Yessss...Thats the word to describe love, pyaar, mohabbat, ishq, kaadal so on and so forth. I was somehow never able to conjure up the ideal description. It seemed world over the dictionary was filled with words that could describe the "undescribable" feeling. No No..I am surely not in love..

Here is the story - I have a brother (big deal).. The point is that he is an exact carbon copy of me. Except he has better looks. The difference in looks however is difficult to discern. Its only when I have been extremely critical of how I look is how I have managed to arrive at this conclusion. Like most madrasis he was good at school, decent at college and thats about it. He did dabble a bit with GMAT and all, but then when he finally landed up in a good job, the thoughts kind of evaporated.

Arvind is a very very nice guy. Like the one on which I have a blog entry. Every kudi seem to mistake him for his friend when he so wants to be her lover. And since he is inching to the 30s (Deepak what bullshit, He is going to be just 28 this dec), his parents decided to put him on the "E-bay of marriage" - Tamilmatrimony.com. And so my brother was on sale. Like most foolish day dreamer he wanted to fall in love and then get married. I told him, "Boss, This doesnt happen. Give and take here and there, zero in on a decent girl and close it...that is if you want to get married." He understood where I was coming for. But my bro wanted to be the knight in shining armour - all draped in an iron dress, riding on a white horse, with a bouquet in his hand. Barring the last, I do not think he is adept at doing the rest. His parents, especially my Atte, is obsessed with dhoomketus & toote taare. So, each time she would get any response from the site she would run pillar to post with jadagams (horoscope or kundli) to brahmins who would analyse like Equity analyst & finally certify whether the proposed stock on offer was worth the investment of life or not. More often than not the proposals would get rejected at this level itself. The lucky ones who did manage down the first stage could not clear the all important stage of the boy's assent. And eventually my brother ended with many ladki dostiyan.

So, along came polly. I mean one day Arvind gets this arbid mail from a girl who liked his profile. So, they got talking, chatting, emailing. Over time it became addicting. Just when they were beginning to find each other's company interesting, kahani me twist aaya. Like a triangle a new hero emerged. This guy had earlier rejected the girl(The details are irrrelevant) and was remorseful. The girl was confused. And so were we. Ab kya? Now what? Though my brother denied it, but I could clearly notice his desperation for the girl. They had never met, but the attraction was palpable. I told him, "Dekh Bhai. Tell her not to put everybody in a state of needless confusion. Ask her to make up her mind - Ya is paar ya us paar." Though my bro was not in love, I told him to lie to the girl so that she gets the assurance. But both of us are basically from the very old school. He was of the view, "I think she needs time. Let me give her the space she needs." Cool.

So, today when my bro called up, he was upbeat. The girl in fact had decided to be with him. Ab uske din ki neend aur raaton ka chen chala gaya tha (Did I just manage to replace the phrase). Pyaar me sab jaayaz hai. He made some key observations.

a) I am in Love
b) Both of us are in Love (He and the girl stupids)
c) I am glad that I gave the space she needed to decide
d) Deepak, I am thankful I did not listen to you (Excuseeeee me)

Then he used this phrase - "You know Deepak, I am in this absolutely Super Purple Patch." I love literary jugglery. I instantly said, "Wah wah wah wah". His plans are that he is going to meet the girl at 6 am in the morning when he lands up in Chennai sometime soon. Teach her to fly kite on Marina Beach. I have personally assured him that the third guy can be dumped off anytime he wants. He said ,"Thank you very much." Fine by me. He advised me to "sow the seeds" to reap the benefits later. Meaning either register myself to that site or meet as many girls as possible, 'cause he believes it takes time to find the "right one". Hello I am no Morpheus searching for "Neo". I just had one answer, "Hmmmm.." Thats a common reply when I feel the other guy is bullshitting. He got it immediately , "Do whatever you want."

I didnt give it too much thought as I was too engrossed in the dead rubber between India-England. As I am writing this, I am still clueless about it. I just hope that Arvind ko uska pyaar mil jaaye. Kuchh to exciting ho life me, meri nahi to kisi aur ki hi sahi...

Joshi's love story and horrorscope

Saurabh Joshi was quite a character in college. Hyper to say the least. On hindsight, I feel he used to dope and come to college. When making presentation, he used to be so excited that he would spit on professors and the front benchers. But nobody ever complained. Anyways, today he called up to invite for his marriage. During the talks it came out that he had had a filmy love story.

He met the girl at the airport. He was about to miss a flight and he fought with the flight attendant. Such was his fierceness of his fight, that the flight attendant called upon the airport manager to sort out the issue. He was close to getting jailed. And then he apologised and sorted things out amicably. After that Mr. Joshi gave his card to the girl. And the lady gave him her number (this part of the story was hard to digest). So, Mr. Joshi forgot all about the lady, until she called upon him (Was she mad???). And they hit off well. And now they are getting married. I was quite impressed. These filmy things never seem to happen to me, though I keep my imagine runs wild. And I really regret it. I mean, really.....It doesnt make sense... I am a stupid dreamer..thats it....

When I was a teenager I used to read the daily horoscope for "Geminis" on the supplement by Shamshir Luthra. But I would never seem to fit into any of those predictions.

Keep a check on finances - I was not on any pocket money
Problems in family - Barring the lights off at ten, I did not have anything to complain
Good day to start a new venture - Like what??
Career will be on track - Probably the next test, assignment of exams
You will find love - When? Where? With whom? How could I be biased?( I was and in love with all the females of the world)

Then I thought, may be like driving license, voting rights or the minimum age limit for liquor consumption, may be these predictions could be valid for me after 18 or 21 or 23. But till now, they never seem to talk that applies to me. Now they are about -

Big contracts will fructify - Really??
Relations with relatives will be strained - Its been over three years since I have attended a family gathering
Health of children will improve - No comments

Though I still read them, trying to figure out who are those people for whom these predictions are meant.

Let me end here...I mean this blog....