Bouncing people

When Atanu told me that he might be shifting to Kolkata after marriage, for a second something struck me..... I thought, "Atanu is leaving, Dev has given a few interviews in Mumbai & might also get relocated, Shagun's a drifter, Upasna is not here, Rachna is also too busy with her life, Gupta is a gonner, Shankar is too self obsessed, Arihant is now in Bangalore......"

It was staring at me. My next bounce from people. You keep bouncing from one person to another or from many to many others. There are few constants and many variables. It happens all the time. It happened in college, then in Post Grad, in Job & now life in general.

You build your relationships, grow old with them, learn together, but somehow the people around you never stay forever. I guess there are a few exceptions here and there, but I dont think that its possible to stay immobile in life and progress. You got to move on. Over time with certain people you become possessive and then when these people move out on their own you just are left with no option but to seek newer and enriching relations.

My parents spent a bulk of their lives in delhi and since my father worked in Delhi Government his friend circle remained fairly permanent. But in my case, since my PG, there have been a multitude of people that I have met at various cities and grown old with. Delhi, Nashik, Pune, Mumbai, Bangalore, Chennai and then back to Delhi.

There was this initial fear, when I heard what Atanu said, but then I realised that I have done this far too many times. Each time its been an amazing journey where I have lost myself totally in the character of the people I met only to find myself again......... colored with several shades of the people I met..

Holi and Introspection

Initially I thought that my next blog entry will be on Gupta's dhamakedaar shaadi, but then I found myself engulfed into an eternal boredom. I felt (and am still feeling) stuck. The drive to try and break the pattern is also missing. Each day dawns and night descends as if it was meant to be that way.



So, then when it started to weigh on me, I decided to introspect. Ashwin suggested, "lets go to tughlakabad. Its a historic place and you will find peace there." Seeing my reaction, we dropped the idea. We finally zeroed in on Rajghat at Mahatma Gandhi's Samadhi. I said, " will pick you up at 9 am". Ashwin retorted back, "Why the hell will you pik me up, we will go by Metro. People like you are so pseudo. Crying out for MRTS at public forums & crowd the roads with your bulky veihcles carrying just one passenger." I looked at him with vengeance and cdnt say a word. Not that I couldnt or didn't, but it just sounded so true for me that silence was my best arguement on offer.

In the morning, While rushing through my breakfast, my mother asked me where I was heading. I replied, "I am off for introspection today at rajghat". There was no reaction from her side, which was quite unexpected. I got on the Metro. It was going to be a long ride. I got down at Moti Nagar Metro station. Ashwin came a few mins late and said, "I guess I am on time as per IST. He giggled." I had no giggle to offer. We boarded the Metro.

Ashwin: I am thinking of resigning

Me: I thought you were shifting to Bangalore

Ashwin: I am nt getting a raise man (I raised an eyebrow). But this is logical. LAst year, the people who joined with me are all at salaries which is at a significant discount to those being hired this year. I am asking for a salary correction not a hike.

me: Whichever way you look at it, it is infact a hike right.

Ashwin: Yes, But then I cannot work for long at the salary that I am at today. I like the sector and the work I am doing, I am just asking for a commensurate remuneration. If they dont give it, I will look elsewhere.

Me: But in the same sector

Ashwin: Yes...

I thought to myself, " At least somebody is clear about something in life". We deboarded at Indraprastha station where the train terminates. We took an Auto to Rajghat. As we entered, there was hardly a soul around. We walked a few steps and found ourselves amidst total tranquility. "This place is just beside the ring road & you can hardly hear anything. " Ashwin said. " It could be because of the trees, they are good insulators of sound. We ascended a slope from where we could see the Samadhi. A few firangs here and there. That was the crowd.

We, then descended the slope on the other side and found a loner tree. I thought we will sit there. It was near the dustbin. I thought to myself, "All of us are in big shit anyways, whts the big deal about sitting near a dustbin." There were numerous thoughts that crossed my mind when I was there........" Republic Day & Indepenedence Day.......What a formailty for the great man......and who made this thing anyways..........I am sure they would have eaten into this contract as well....anways.........There is shaanti sthal as well.....where Indira Gandhi died.....God, the country needs her man..........wonder who should I vote for this election........Sonia Gandhi is not going to be the next PM....yes, thats for sure...........There, you go...another couple.....disgusting man.....at least they can leave these places alone man...........We do deserve a ram sena here......ram sena ram sena......That reminds me...........I can see it there.....the family of four....riding on a small and fragile looking LML.......a little boy standing in front......a thin man driving the scooter.........a little girl sandwiched between the man and a woman clad in a printed cotton saari.....its brown with white flowers on it.......its going at 40km/hr...or may be 50..........on the long wide road.........with cars zipping past.........with the afternoon sun beating down on them........they all look happy and content...........That used to be my family........we used to take the ring road to noida........it used to be a long journey....it still is......."

The mind kept getting cluttered with these random thoughts, some positive, some negative, some just did not have any relevance at all...IN nut shell, the supposed introspection was going nowhere.....Ashwin was getting restless & he finally broke the silence.....take me to a place in delhi which not many people know about.......That sounds better, I thought.

We took a bus, yes we took a bus.......Its been a long time since I took a bus.....Felt just like old days.......afterall I have also sacrificed my sweat on the flyovers on ring road........Those days DTC (Delhi Transport Corporation) used to make an All Route pass valid on all buses.......We would roam around aimlessly in Delhi........singing songs & making fun of each other at the backseat........And wind carefully sifting through your hair....yes, I had hair on my head.......lets not touch upon this sentimental subject of my flat top.......

There is a very nice place at Parliament street. Its called "People Tree". Its a different kind of shop. It mostly goes unnoticed. Its an ethnic place..prly only for firangs & for (pseudo) intellectuals) like me. You get books on varied subjects. Subjects like female foeticide, folk tales from punjab, rise of hindutva, is communism at an end...and loads of intersting topics.....I love going there. But the best part are those naturally colored clothes, stuff which resembles tantra but looks a little intellectual...that was really refreshing......

I returned with a very heavy head. The day I compromise on my afternoon nap on a holiday, my head starts spinning. I was not a new person when I returned back. Not that expected to be one. The visit hardly made any difference.

The next day was Holi. It really didnt matter much. I spent the entire day watching India thrash New Zealand and clapped my hands in joy. My four year old nephew roamed for two hours around the colony and came back unscathed. And when he found nobody to empty his pichkari, he happily drenched me. At least somebody was happy at the end of these two days.

Its a phase of life which I would not want anybody to go through. Its not depression but there is no sense of enthusiasm either. Its just one of those state of mind, when you are waiting for an external stimulus to wake you up and break the inertia....Even though you might try to break through the whole thing, efforts do not necessarily fructify, 'cause the sum total of efforts is also negative....Ok ...hope to bring some smile on with the next blog....

Gupta ki Shaadi - 1

This is an extension of the story on Gupta, "Dil, dosti etc.."

Gupta got married this 12 february 2009 or 13 february 2009(I mean, the North Indians get married in the weee hours of the morning, I am left confused as to the exact date of the marriage. Or may be they like to spread the agony in the subsequent years for the two days) whatever..how does it matter..I think he is married....I havnnt called him up after I left the premises, not that he would pick up the phone anyways these days...But there were a few suggestion that we should check if he actually got married, 'cause we left before the lagan...(How silly really, no wonders that the suggestion came from yours truly)

In the winter of 2000, Gupta used to tell me, "Srini bhai, Main shaadi aisi karoonga ki duniya dekhegi.." I used to giggle and wonder what can you do in a marriage after all. How much can you innovate in tambu, pandit, baraat, food and invitation? But he proved me grossly wrong?

As I mentioned in one of my earlier blogs, how me and Gupta have grown apart. Thats besides the point. So, Mr. Gupta prior to the Shaadi-waadi organised a bachelors party. I told him that I will try to make it. I was returning from Jaipur, when I get this frenzy of calls from the friends. "Arey u going?"..."I will go, if you go"....."Arey how will we return"....."Sharaab milegi kya???"..."Bhaiyya, Baniyon ki shaadi me sharaab kaise milegi..??"....."babu, wht bachelors this is? no sharaab only veg springrole..."......"Guys, are we goin or not....If we go then how do we return.."......"Boss , if there is no liquor I am not going.."......"Kya baat kar raha hai? Gupta ki bachelors kaise miss kar sakta hai??"...."arey yaar, itni door jaakar naachne ke liye dope milna to zarruri hai na.."....."Arey function kab chalu hona hai??"....."Around 8 or may be 9"......."Liquor for only 2 hours.....what nonsense????".......and there were endless discussions on the conference call with no apparent solutions and then Gupta entered the conference call......

Gupta: where r u guys??? (Panting...guess he was dancing....."beedi jalaile" was playing in the background)

Caller 1: Bhaai, Srini is returning from Jaipur...uska mushkil hai
Caller 2: Bhai daru hogi?
Gupta: Only on demand..
Caller 2: Meaning
Gupta: Meaning preferably no.....
Caller 3: Kya baat kar raha hai? Abey ladkiyaan to bulaai hai na...??
Gupta: What are you saying? No ladki shadki.....but gathering acchhi hai
Me: Jaise???
Gupta: Mummy, Daddy, Behen, jeeja, bua, phupha, taya, mama, mami, bareilly wale uncle aur unki wife...
Me: Did u invite Baba Raamdev??

Long silence..........

Then a huge burst of laughter....
Gupta: You guys coming or not??
In chorus: We will try...


None of us went eventually.......


But we eagerly awaited his marriage.....

Chicken Do Pyaaza

There were times when we used to pass "Barafkhana" while going back to our home to Timarpur, when my mother would cover my eyes and nose (allowing my mouth free for ventilation, thank you mom for that...). In those days 8 year olds never questioned the acts of their parents unlike today when kids typically have an opinion on everything from toys to sex. For the first couple of trips I didn't protest. But the seeds of protest were already sown , and they were slowly germinating.

So, finally one day I looked outside the window, to have my first glimpse of "Non-Vegetarian" food hanging mercilessly on a tandoor as if sentenced to a death sentence by hanging. I saw those wierd objects hanging. I wondered what they were. I didnt find the smell repulsive. I asked my mother what it was, my mother preferred silence and asked me to look elsewhere.

When we returned home, I was told that it was what they called "Non-vegetarian" food. I was told that brahmins are not supposed to consume it. It was unhealthy (as justified later in science books in 6th standard that the pesticides eventually reach the humans through that food chain gyaan), it was against our ethos. There were tales exchanged at family gatherings at how one of my cousins vommitted when somebody placed an omlette on his bench. And that somehow in many ways re-inforced that it could in fact be toxic or whatever.


Me and sister were always the adventurous trips. We discovered that omlette was an amazing dish. And when once my parents were away, both of us cycled to the nearby shop to buy those two "Humpty Dumpty"s. We rushed back home, and made two delicious omlettes garnished with coriander leaves, onion, ginger and tomatoes. As we finished hogging, we realized that our small two room flat was filled with the smell of the "Humpty Dumpty"s. We then lit two agarbatties and ran around the home trying to ward of the smell like it was some evil spell. When my parents returned they were obviously quite taken aback at the sudden religious feelings with the house filled with the smell of the agarbatties. They soon discovered the crime, when they found the broken shells and we were given a good dressing down. Not to be outdone, the audacity was carried out on a number of occasions by the same miscreants but we had soon perfected the art and were never caught. But I still had never had the chickens and the muttons of the world.


The first time I consumed was an accident when I returned late from a tour and the hotel attendant offered me some food. After enjoying it I asked him what it was, he said, "Mutton sambhar, sarrr". For a second I was speechless. I was not as much a brahmin I guess since neither did I vomit nor did I have a sleepless night. Since then I have ensured to try as many dishes to familarise myself with the cuisines in Non-vegetarian. From sea food to continental I tried to experiment with every dish. Have had enough though and feel that nothing can beat Vegetarian food.

A few days back, Dev said to me, "Lets make chicken do pyaaza". I replied in affirmative. Now, a chicken or a mutton is a dish when presented in a plate is appetizing, but its a different one when you see it alive and literally kicking. Dev said, "Tum rehne do, I will get a fresh chicken....I dont think you will be able to stand it.."....I was taken aback at the impudence with which Dev said it and I decided to go throught the whole thing.

So, we went to the nearby kasai. Dev chose a chicken. What happened after that was quite shocking to me. The chicken started to shreik as if it knew that its end was near. With one swipe of knife over the neck of the chicken, the blood started to ooze out. To avoid the blood show before everyone, the beheaded chicken was put in a closed container. After ten mins, its bereft of life & is a vegetable. The body is releived of its feathers & insides(except the liver, which is supposed to be the most delicious part of the chicken). The whole thing is then chopped off into little pieces to enure easier transportation.

We went to Dev's home. We spent two hours making the dish. With loads of ghee, masala, chopped onions, tomatoes, mirchi, spices & what not. The recipe was just perfect. With a scotch in one hand, the dinner seemed just perfect. But somehow I kept thinking about the poor chicken.

Now in the entire sequence of cutting and chopping, I stood there with total insensitivity. As if It was not the chicken which got slaughtered, but rather my own sensitivity towards many a things around me. I asked Dev, "What kind of people we are & what kind of life this chicken has?"...Dev's resposne was immediate, "Our life is definitely pathetic, but the chicken will go to jannat. Its purpose was to fulfill our hunger & complete our lives and make us happy...we are still groping for our purpose......"

A definite fact is to respect the life of other beings, but then many of us are definitely & consciously denying others the opportunity to survive & prosper. And surprisingly it has nothing to do with survival. Its all about the greed. And there is definitley no glory in getting sacrificed in this way.

Sometimes, I wonder....staring at the "Chicken-do-pyaaza".....What a chicken's life??

Marraige Marriage everywhere, not one around for me

Now Now, It certainly doesnt mean that I am desperate for one. So many marriages are happening around me that its stifling me out. "2009" looks to be like the year of marriages. As if 2010 will never come (Ohh shit , shut up Deepak....)..


These days when some long lost soul calls up, you can be rest assured that he or she is definitely has this on their minds. They take your address or they will insist you to come to their marriages (Thats another thing that they will be hardly have the time to go through the guest list, so confused between excitement and fear over the inevitability of "marriage")


I thought recession was supposed to put people off marriage, but I guess the depression has its ways of manifesting itself in wierd ways. I find it difficult these days to justify why I am not getting married or am not getting excited on the prospect of getting married or rather why I prefer to remain silent on the issue when probed.

Being in the family of a public servant has its own advantages. I was able to postpone my marriage plans from January 2009 to June 2009. There was not too much negotiation either. But somewhere I feel that my parents, are dormant volcanos, or rather pots pregnant with water, ready to explode at the slightest poke called "marriage".

This happened very recently, when an emotional melodrama by my mother forced me into a reception party of her student. Accidentally we bumped into my school principal. Now as a school principal there are a multitue of questions that could be asked from an alumni. I could think of at least fifteen different ones. But the first question that was popped to me was "When are you getting married?" It was an opportunity that my parents were waiting for, it looked so planned I couldnt believe. The grievance list came out like lightening -

a) He doesnt want to get married right now
b) Earlier he said January and now he has said June 2009, hence we are waiting
c) He doesnt understand that its difficult to find a good girl
d) He just wants to enjoy life

My principal then supported the view & gave multiple references of pandits & jyotish to evaluate why I was not getting married & if a tabeez could do the trick for my mother. In that open, cold ground I started to sweat with embarassment as I watched with horror my parents deriving sadsitic pleasure in embarassing me before my school principal (Thankfully my receeding hairline was sidelined...phewww what a relief under the cirumstance)

I wanted to shout, but didnt. I didnt even protest later & made a polite request of not inviting me to these public functions. Thereafter as I shared my plan for the week of attending this marriage and that marriage,my mother gave me the ultimatum of starting to look for a girl for me from June 2009. My response was muted.

I dont realise this sudden rush for marriages(and kids) now adays. I still find it convenient to discuss food, drink, women, cricket and life in general. And more so with friends around me.

Marriage, unlike, career is not a natural choice. I believe that one must get married when totally ready take responsibility in life and more so feels the need for companionship. Till that time its cheers to life from me!!!

Dil gira darfatan.............

The moment I heard this song, I imagined myself wearing tight fitted jeans, with a long muffler (Rishi Kapoor types), bell-bottoms standing outside Dilli Haat.......With traffic rushing before my eyes........and there she was standing in front of me...


Slowly I walk on the side of the road, then I turn and start walking backwards......still staring.....she is walking towards AIIMS....she could have taken a bus.....


We are still walking.....


and then a bus stops by, my vision blocked.......the bus moves, taking her away....


I cross and run after the bus, step on the footboard of another bus thats following "The Bus"....


I can still see her....yes.....nicely folding the ticket and fitting it on the strap of her watch......


She gets off at South-extension bus stop.....A deluge of people follow her....and then they separate like a stone sifts through a ravaging river........


I start running, with every step closer the scent gets stronger.......and then I put my hand on her shoulder........She turns around........


"Deepak, You are getting late......"


I wake up , totally asleep


Random entry hai bhai.....Non-sense life and a non-sense blog....

Being a single guy

My every quarterly review begins with the same question. "Deepak Have you managed to find yourself a girlfriend?". My answer has been as consistent, "No.". "Any pipeline". I grin, go into a deep thought, "Hmm..None at all."

Being a single guy today is more difficult to handle than being a single girl. I am pretty sure that there are no single girls available. Approximately 50% of them zero in on their life partners in graduation. Another 20% in Post Graduation. A small 5% do so in school itself. About 10% do the needful in the professional space-colleagues, seniors, ex-colleagues, competitors etc. About 14.5% of them opt for the traditional route of arranged marriage. The remaining either prefer to remain single or have other avenues for finding their life partners. Now this data has not been compiled by any agency. Its my compilation which may or may not be true and is based on the people that I have met.

Alot has already been said in one of my earlier blogs which is on "Nice Guys". But I just thought I must also share the views of those around me and how I seem to get affected by them.

For most of my life I have been single. There has been just one occassion when I can really say that I was in fact seeing somebody, which was in school. But most of my adulthood, I was left grappling with the question of "what it takes to have a girlfriend?"

Alot of the "sensible" souls around me trivialise the whole concept of being in a relationship in their strange manners. "Churlish" is the way they prefer to describe it. Sometimes I do get drawn into it as I think about "urban development", "nation" and "geopolitics". But at the end of the day there does seem to exist a vaccum that I do not seem to define clearly. The important thing here is that if I am not going to chase around girls in this age then when will I? (Of course the fact remains that I am not doing the needful either)

In the last 10 years or so, my interactions with ladies matured to such an extent that I am no longer taken seriously. I somehow manage to either underplay myself or overstate myself which in many ways has proved to be my undoing. Quite clearly I am very unsure of the events that must unfold for the relation to manifest itself into what they call a "relationship". Even though many times I have been given free advise on the subject which is like a "50% discount" coupon, but I always manage to sit on the fence and stare at the coupon trying to figure out the non-existent line of "conditions apply".

It was not so much of a problem till the time your parents start becoming aware of it. In one of the most embarassing incidents on the subject where the culprict happens to be my own father. On being asked by one of my Uncles as to what was the plan of my marriage, my father with a sigh replied,"It is going to be tough for us as Deepak has been unable to find a girlfriend for himself." As my face turned crimson red, my father along with the gathering had a hearty laugh. Of course, my father in many ways was proud of the way I have turned up and not having a girlfriend is not really a character flaw by his parameters of judgement. But these are just the kind of situations one wants to avoid. One of these days, when me and my mother were engrossed in family gossip, my mother casually mentioned, "Deepak I really wish that you find yourself somebody because I have seen your Aunty run pillar to post for getting Arvind married, and I dont think the confusion is really worth it. " However, she comes up with strict riders on the kind of girl she will be fine with for me.

Then there are married & committed friends. Married friends forever fret over the fact that you lose your freedom and the committed ones complain about the fact that either of their parents are not agreeing to the alliance. Of course I have limited or no contribution to make to the conversation. However, under these circumstances I feel fortunate on the fact of being single.

Being an intellectual has its own costs. I am not saying that I am one. But yes, I do try to put on the garb on many occassions and it just fails me miserably in making an impression.

Though I am a great champion against "Racism". I go around the town talking about "looks-are-not-the-only-factor" types. But I must be very candid to accept the fact that I am pretty pesudo in this aspect when it comes to breaking my solitude. Forever immersed in "self-deprecating" statements on my looks.

My statements might sound very desperate. Of course no denying that the situation is not the one to be in. Its more to do with confusion. Thoughts could be channelised in a more constructive manner is what I always try to convince myself, inevitably I find myself struggling with the question.

Marriage is still some time away. But its not about marriage. For me Life is an experience. And somewhere I feel that my idiosynchrasies are denying this. Its like India jumping from Agrarian economy to a services one. India missed the manufacturing revolution (Offf....Why do I always have to bring in economics).

Trouble with me that I am slowly reaching the top of the pyramid, where interaction with single females is getting limited with every passing. There are no prospects as of now. Its like making a business plan with no sales force to implement them.

Long time back in college, one of my friends asked me a question on what do I see myself doing in the next 15 years. My reply - Wake up at 7 , leave for office at 8, return by 7, finish meals by 8, retire to bed by 12 with a book in my hand. On weekends probably in a library or a coffee shop with a book. "family" my friend asked. I was stumped. In many ways I will not be too sad for this self fullfilling prophecy, but then God does manage to leave a man disgruntled at the end of his life.....